MishMoshpit

2011-08-16T09:30:00.002-04:00

So 3 years later I have been inspired to add to my Blog. I know, its very bad form to ignore your own blog, but with the advent of Facebook and a crazy schedule, my blogging has been a series of short status updates and texts.

I was recently promoted at work to Director of Marketing Acquisition, and am loving the new challenges that brings.

My kids are getting OLD! Sammy will be 13 in October, and Melly is 9 - how the heck did that happen? I just reread my last posts, and Sammy was only Melly's age then!

My training has not faltered - I have been focusing more on tri the past 2 years, still running, but really trying to improve my swim and bike! I did my first Half Ironman last year, Amica 70.3 in Providence...wow! I finished, and I felt great - but that swim was brutal. For the few days leading up to it, anyone who would listen heard me say "I will NEVER do this again"....but after I finished. and called Chris to tell him how I did, the first thing he said was "And when is your next one?" He knows me so well :-) So, I signed up for Musselman this year, and competed in July (took 22 minutes off my time, 16 of that on the swim!), and I have the Beach 2 Battleship Half in October. I'm happy to report that my swim has gotten better (Still very slow!), but my panic has begun to subside, or at least, I am able to manage it a bit.

I have met some great people through all of this, and I love being able to train with them, travel to races, and share in the pre-race jitters and post race celebrations. And of course, Chris - without him I could never do any of this, and his support is tremendous. I asked him th eother day if he and the girls will come to my Ironman! ACK, yes my Ironman - October 2012!!

Is 2008 really half over?

2008-07-22T16:11:00.003-04:00

It's been so long, I don't even know where to begin!
First, work: Started a new job at same company this month, and I am really excited about it. I am really looking forward to the challenge of something new!

Next, family: We just came back from a week in Club Med Punta Cana. Had an awesome time, but my family seems to be paying for such fun! Melly got sick on flight home and was home with fever for a couple of days. Chris hurt his back day before we left to come home, and spent the last week at chiro and working from home. Now he is battling a staph infection which they think he got while snorkeling! And Sammy had some evil virus thing that had her doubled over in pain and tears and 101 fever for a day. And my stomach has not been right since we left Punta Cana! Such a shame that we have been beaten up so! But we truly did have a great time, and it was wonderful to spend so much time with Chris' family, and for the kids to get to see their aunts/uncles and cousins who all live so far away.

I fell in love with the trapeze, and did it as much as I could. In the end, I was FINALLY able to do the knee hang, and then the catch, Here is a video of my knee hang:

The kids had a great time at Mini Club Med, and they had such great counselors! We were totally impressed with the GOs there, and highly recommend the resort as a family destination. Chris and I were able to do some things on our own, and our kids had a blast.

And now...training! Wow, so much has been going on! I trained for and competed in my first triathlon, an Olympic Distance.... 1.5K swim, 40K bike and 10K run. The swim was very hard for me, my head really got in the way, but I LOVED the bike, and I tolerated the run ;-) Although I am a runner...it was so hot by the time I got on the run course, that my first mile was more of a walk run. Once I got into the groove though, I felt great, and I finished the event in 3:13, a full 17 minutes better than I had expected. I have done a sprint tri since then, and will be doing another next month as well. I have been thinking about signing up for a Half Iron Man next season...

I am now also a Training Captain for Team in Training, and I'm loving every minute of it. I am working with the coaches to get the Fall run teams ready for their events, which include NYC, Dublin, Nike San Fran and Hamptons. I will be racing the Hamptons Half in Sept. I also will be TC'ing the Winter season to get them ready for Disney, and this year, I will be doing the Goofy Challenge....Half on Sat and Full on Sun. I did the Disney Full again this past January, and finished in 4:32. I guess I lost my marbles when I got home, and I found myself signing up for the Goofy. They call it Goofy for a reason!

I need to get better about posting regularly!! Maybe if I knew people were reading... ;-)

Slow it down a little...

2007-11-23T11:24:00.000-05:00

Well, its the day after Thanksgiving, and it's freaking me out...Christmas is almost here, and I am just not ready at all. I say that every year, but this time its really bad. I am clueless as to what to get the kids, and time is going by faster than I can hold on. Work has gotten insane, my kids' are growing overnight, winter is fast approaching, and while it is all good...I would really like it if someone could just make it stop, for just a little while, so I can really absorb all the little changes, and enjoy.

Sammy is 9 now, and she is presenting me with new challenges every day. She is quite a bright young lady, and very much like me...which means that she does not just accept what you say as fact, she needs proof. Sorry Mom and Dad, I get it now! Melly is 5 1/2, and has a sharp wit and challenges me in her own ways. I love them to death, and just want to hold them close and stop time so I can enjoy them being little kids a little longer.

It's funny in a way...I have been training so hard to increase my speed and improve my pace, and now that I have done that...I am sitting here wishing life would slow down. In the words of Alannis Morisette, isn't it ironic? Why does it all have to be so fast? It seems that life is going by at 5K pace, when I want it to be at marathon pace.

Speaking of pace...I mentioned a few posts ago that I was shooting for a sub 2 finish in the Philly Half, and I am happy to report I did it! 1:58:44 ! That is a 9:00 pace, I PR'd, taking 13 minutes of my last half. And yesterday, Chris and I ran the Huntington Townwide Fund 4 miler, and we both made it in under 35, me at 34:56 and he at 34:50 (PRs for both of us by over 2 minutes!). We did great, 8:45 pace, including 2 uphill miles. I had breathing trouble again, my allergies are causing asthmatic spasms, totally sux and I have got to do something about this. But what a great way to get ready for some Thanksgiving feasting.

I'm not sure what this means for my next marathon, Disney 2008. But, I will definitely shoot for sub 4:45, but I'm not ready to commit to a time yet. I have a few nasty long runs coming up, once I get through those I will have a better idea, although it is cold here, and that will improve my pace. If its hot like last year for the event, I may just decide to bring my camera and take advantag eof the photo opps with the Disney characters!Now i

But now its time to go enjoy my day off with the kids, I think we may go see a movie. I am looking forward to this, a little time for us to slow it all down and enjoy each other, while we eat crappy food and laugh. The good life.

Road to Philly

2007-10-16T09:45:00.001-04:00

So I mentioned that I am running the Philly Half Marathon in November...I have been cautiously considering shooting for a sub 2:00 finish time, and up until this past Saturday, I wasn't ready to fully commit. But...here goes, with all of you as my witness: I am shooting for sub 2:00 (9:09 pace) on November 18! I ran with 13.1 with the team on saturday, and managed to finish in 2:02 (9:15 pace). I felt great, not sore at all, and this has given me the confidence to go for it!

I also called my PT to schedule a "tune-up". I'm not hurt, but I want to keep it that way. My body tends to go out of alignment from the hips up, and I can sort of feel that my gait is off a bit. I figure I'll let Kathleen work on me a bit, which will hopefully allow me to continue on injury-free.

Just got an email from one of my training buddies...an x-ray shows that she has a slight stress fracture in her 5th metatarsal, ugh! Please join me in hoping the MRI shows nothing more severe!

Musings from an obsessed runner

2007-10-11T15:46:00.000-04:00

It is finally Fall here in NY! Yipee yi yay! According to the calendar, we are almost 4 full weeks into fall, however, temps here soared to almost 90 only 2 days ago. Can you say yuk? Today it's a bit rainy and gloomy overall, but at least it's under 70, and the weekend looks glorious! Which is so important, because I have a 13 mile run with Team in Training on Saturday. I am looking forward to this, as I do all of my team runs. It's just so much fun to see everyone and catch up, and get those miles in. This is the first time the Disney team is running more than 10, and I know so many of the participants must be so anxious. I love mentoring, I feel like I have gotten so much out of this experience, and I want everyone to benefit as I have. Training begins to get more intense soon...I am a bit nervous about the 18 and 20 milers. My injury began after the 18 miler, and I never got to the 20-miler because I was sidelined. It's funny...because I always lose sleep the night before, I am just so nervous. But once I actually get out there, and run with the team, I'm ok. And it goes by pretty quickly. Not like its effortless or anything, because trust me, it's HARD. But it's not anywhere near as bad as I imagine...which is crazy...because this is my 3rd full marathon, I know what to expect. Although, maybe that is the problem ;-)

We finalized our hotel arrangements for Philly, so now it really feels like I am going. I will be running just the half though, after my injury last season, I was afraid to try and run 2 marathons so close to each other, and Disney is around the corner. This will be great though, I am well trainied for the distance, and it's a totally flat course.

So, check out this cool website, Athlinks. It's so cool, I entered my name, and many of my races and times came up, and I was able to claim them, and now I have the majority of them all stored in one place!

Catching up

2007-10-09T13:37:00.000-04:00

It's been way tooooo long, and I have put off writing because I just don't know where to start...so I'm just gonna dive in!

First...I am still with Team in Training, this is my 3rd season, and I am still loving what I do. This season has taken on a whole new meaning for me as my dad's sister, my Aunt, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia the same day I ran the San Diego marathon. I have dedicated this season to her and her recovery, and will be carrying her picture with me across that finish line in Disney. Her diagnosis has hit me like a ton of bricks, sort of like now I know why I got so involved with TNT and and why I am so drawn to the organization and the people. I only hope that everything we are doing will help my Aunt and all others who are or will be dealing with blood cancer.

As I said above, I did run San Diego back in June, and it was a very emotional experience. I got injured during the Long Island Half about a month before SD, and honestly didn't know if I'd be able to walk, let alone run! But after weeks of intense PT (thank you Kathleen!), I was able to not only run SD, but I shaved 32 minutes off my Disney time.

Here are some pics:

If you look closely at my finisher photo, you will see that I am holding up a medal and a dogtag. I was awarded this dogtag by my coaches. I mentored last season, and really gave it my all, and for that, as well as overcoming my injury, I was honored by the team, and presented with the honorary dogtag of one of Long Island's most honored patient heroes. I truly believe this helped me get thru those grueling 26.2 miles with a Cho-Pat strap on my right knee, wincing through the pain whenever my kneecap decided it wanted to move to a different spot. I held the tag proudly as I crossed the finish line, and cried real tears of pride, joy and relief. I never thought I could be more overwhelmed than I was after Disney, but San Diego showed me that I was wrong. It was amazing. I would be remiss if I didn't mention what Chris did for me that day as well. He met me at mile 6 with a bottle of Gatorade Rain (they had Accelearde on the course, blech!) and ran all the way to mile 13.1 with me. I kicked him off at that point because I knew at that time that I would finish, and I wanted him to get some food. He met me again at mile 24, and ran with me until he was forced off the course by the military. His support was priceless, and his pride in me was clear in his eyes. It meant everything to me.

I have run several races since SD, and all of them have been fantastic. My times are improving, and I am now training for the Philly Half next month, and am going for a very aggressive 2 hour goal. The course is flat, and if we have cool fall temps I think I can do it. A TNT friend of mine has offered to pace me, so with his help....ICANDUIT!

I will run Disney again in January, with Chris. It will also be our 14th wedding anniversary! Unreal!

And next in my TNT future...an Olympic Distance triathlon. Right now I am trying to decide between St Anthony's and Memphis in May. Hmmmm.... By the way, the swim scares the bejesus out of me, but I love the challenge! And I am in the best physical shape I have ever been in, and I know I can do this! Forty schmorty :-)

I have so much more to write about, but this will haveto be it for today.

2007-04-11T10:10:00.000-04:00

It's been many many months since my last post, and so much has happened since November. First, I completed my first marathon on January 7 in Disney world. It was a balmy 70 degrees at the 6am start, and close to 90 by the time I finished. Sweaty, tired, and elated...here is me with my medal:

It was an amazing weekend, and something I will never forget! In fact, I recommitted to TNT, and am now mentoring and training for the San Diego Marathon in June. Part of the training for this includes the Long Island Half, which will be May 6.

And if this wasn't enough, I was asked to mentor again, and I think I will. I think I will do Disney again! I just got the Disney recap CD they send to all participants, and watching it was so exciting, and then...at the very end of the marathon footage...there I am, with my running partner, hugging each other at the finish line. That moment was captured for us, and has cemented my decision to do it again, and hope for some cooler temps!

Ed, food and running...perfection!

2006-11-08T19:38:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday, my husband and I, along with out closest friends went to NYC to see Barenaked Ladies at Radio City Music Hall. BNL as they are most commonly know, is a band that the 4 of us love, and make it our business to see them every time they are in the NY Metro area. The show was awesome, our seats were INCREDIBLE (THANK YOU MELODY!), 2nd row dead center! A perfect view of Ed Robertson...one of the lead singers, who is so damn sexy its ridiculous. My husband knows all about my little crush, he is just happy that Ed is unattainable! The band was great, the set list was amazing, and....Ed threw some guitar picks at the audience, and yours truly was nailed right in the ribs by the last one he threw. I'd like to think he spotted me, and remembered me from their 2005 show in Mohegan Sun, and the schoolgirl type vigil we kept while he played blackjack. But I'm sure it was just sheer luck, and the awesome seats that allowed me to get that pick, a pick I will have to give my husband, since he actually does play guitar!

The whole night was great, we had dinner at Tao. Here it is, 3 days later, and I'm still remembering the Kobe Beef Shabu Shabu, and Lobster Dumplings...YUM. Lets' not forget the Demon Slayer Saki that we devoured. I think I may love Saki!

Another highlight for me was that is was Marathon Sunday in NYC. We did not see the race, but we did see some finishers walking home, wearing their medals and wrapped in mylar blankets. Everytime I saw one of these people, my eyes filled with tears. I am not sure why, maybe it was the 16 mile run I had done the day before, the one that kicked my ass so bad, I had to nap when I got home. Maybe its the realization that deep down, I want to run NYC too, or maybe its just knowing that in less than 2 months, I will be running 26.2 miles, with my husband, and my Teammates from TNT. I don't know the answer, I just know that I am no longer just Jamie, or a mom, or a wife, or a daughter, or an employee, or a friend...I am a runner. Somewhere along the way, I have become addicted to running. I enjoy being around other runners, I love reading about running, I LOVE to run, and I know now, that I will train for another event after Disney.

Rain nor sleet, nor 40mph winds...

2006-10-31T11:50:00.000-05:00

I was recently referred to someones' blog by my cousin. It is a blog about one woman's entry into running...first as a way to manage her weight, then it progressed to her training for the upcoming NYC ING Marathon. I read it eagerly, as I also recently found the joy of running, and am training for my first marathon. I was glued to her blog, mesmerized by every one of her posts, realizing that I too have found a passion for running, a passion that sometimes has me doing some pretty stupid things. Like this past weekend, Long Island experienced torrential downpour and some very very strong winds. But I had a training run, only 8 miles, but hey, it was a training run! My TNT mentor had scheduled this week's run down in Huntington, close to my house, so I was looking forward to the close proximity for a change. And I had run this route before, for the annual Thanksgiving Townwide Fund run. I knew it was challenging, it had kicked my butt last year, but I had still finished with a 9:35 pace, and being that I was running on 2 tendonitis-afflicted calves, I was happy. I was looking forward to doing this course again, uninjured, and a stronger runner. Well...I think that the gods were laughing at the 5 of us who showed up: pouring rain that was landing on my face like sharp pellets, coupled with crazy strong winds making it impossible to stand upright....and so many hills. We extended the course into Lloyd Harbor to add some mileage, and that meant more hills. What a fantastic morning....I loved every minute of it...does that make me sick?

I did it!

2006-10-05T10:36:00.000-04:00

2 1/2 months ago, I joined Team in Training to help in the fight against Leukemia and other blood cancers, while training for the Disney Half Marathon. Well, as of today, I met my fundraising goal of $3800, and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. When I joined TNT, I knew the training would be hard, but I was most afraid of the fundraising. I have never really done this before, and have never been comfortable asking people I know for anything, let alone money!

I began my fundraising in earnest in mid August. I realized early on that it wouldn't be easy, and I'd have to dig a little deeper than just my close friends and family to raise $3800. So I did...and while it was easier than I expected, I am so relieved that I met my goal! And now I feel like I can just focus on my training, which is beginning to get tougher...I have decided to run the Full Marathon, and I have a 12 mile training run this weekend, on some of the toughest cross country trails on Long Island. This will be my 3rd run there, last time was 10 miles. Not too bad, I made it, and even managed to drag my tired ass to karate. That was tough, I had no legs, and of course we had to do kicking drills!! I think Sensei did that on purpose!

Asking for you support

2006-07-28T16:43:00.000-04:00

I have some exciting news.

After several months of pondering, I have finally made the commitment to train for my first 1/2 marathon. I just joined Team in Training, and will be running the Disney Half Marathon in January. As part of my training, I will be fund-raising for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. My goal is to raise $3800 for this personal and worthy cause by January. Leukemia and
other blood cancers are the biggest killer of children under 20 years old. The Scholfield family is very lucky to have a survivor in our family, and I am doing this to honor not only the strength of my husband's cousin, but the strength and determination of every person affected by these blood cancer. I have never run a marathon, and I am looking forward to meeting this personal goal of mine, but more importantly, I am excited to help those who are not as fortunate as I am. I know my training will be hard, but never as hard as what the patients I am running for endure.

Please visit my webpage at the link to the right and help me in the fight against these blood cancers.

Here comes the smudgestick...

2006-05-24T17:08:00.000-04:00

When your father remarries, does that person automatically become your stepmother? And what about step-grandmother to your children? What is the protocol around this? My babysitter called me with this same question as she was helping my 4 year old daughter do her thank you cards. Should she address it Grandpa and Lucy? Grandpa and Grandma? "Grandpa and Grandma-Lu" is what I suggested, it seemed appopriate..even though Melanie has never met her new step-Grandma! Such a strange situation...all good, but odd. They will be coming to NY soon too, so Melanie will finally get to meet "Grandma-Lu"!

My Dad and his girlfriend of more years than I know for sure, got married in Santa Fe on May 7. My oldest daughter, Samantha was the flower girl. This was not a traditional ceremony by any stretch of the imagination, but Sammy did play a rather traditional role. And aside from their talk of reincarnation, they had rather traditional vows. Although, I'm not sure how many weddings begin with a smudging, and end with Bob Dylan's "The Wedding Song" immediately after the wedded kiss. Or how many ceremonies are performed by a priestess named Cookie?

Samantha and Lucy getting the flower girl basket ready:

Daddy's little girls:

Daddy and all his girls:

My Dad and his female clone:

Exchanging vows:

20 years ???really?

2006-05-15T17:12:00.000-04:00

Ok, I did it, I went to my 20 year HS reunion. I admit I was a bit nervous about the whole thing, Chris did not want to go, and I didn't want to force him. Then one of my closest HS friends was unsure if she was attending...but it all worked out, Chris stayed home with the kids, and my friend and I went together, just like our 10 year, and the prom. No, we are not closet lesbian lovers ;-)

So, all in all, everyone looked great. Amazing that after 20 years, some people just did not change, and even more amazing, is that people who had poles up their asses in the 80's, STILL have poles up their asses. Why is that? I had a great time, but honestly, in 3 hours I was not able to talk to everyone that I would have liked to, and of course, despite my best intentions to mingle, I spent the most time with the people I still do keep in touch with. Here are some pictures of us...

Amazingly, I had a lot of fun, and I am really glad I went. I may even go to the 25th...but I don't know if I can handle the loud club thing again...that is so not my speed. There were so many people, so many conversations, and it is all a blur, 3 hours went by in about 30 minutes!

Still running...maybe its away?

2006-04-04T17:20:00.000-04:00

Chris and I are running an 8K Cross Country this Saturday. I'm excited for this, I've been training regularly, as this is not only a bit longer than my last race, but also, the terrain is not your typical road race. And now that I am equipped with my orthotics, and I am not experiencing any tendonitis pains, I am looking forward to completing this run injury free, and hoping to beat a 9:10 pace. Up til now, my quickest race pace has been 9:23, so maybe this is possible. And that was when I had tendonitis in both lower legs.

Chris is picking up his new orthotics tonight, although he won't be able to race with them this weekend. You need to break your body in slowly...trust me on this, I ignored the Doctor's instructions, and went full boat...only to end up aching in every joint of my body. After 38 years, my skeleton was pretty set in its way, adjusting my stance and gait was not comfortable for these bones. I am all set now, but it took a few weeks to adjust.

After this, my next race will be the Corporate Challenge in July (3.5M), then the Cow Harbor (10K)in September. I am going to try and get into a 1/2 marathon for the fall, so I am beginning to add longer runs on the weekends. I would LOVE to get into ING in the city, but from what I know, its not so easy to get in.

I just love to run outside, its such a free feeling. Nothing compares to it. lately, I have been dropping Sammy off at karate, then putting on my headphones and running 3 miles while she is in class. How great is that? Freedom. Exercise. Its perfect. And even better...since I had my karate class earlier in the morning, I am loose and stretched out, and able to just hit the road.

Wish me luck, and I'll let you know how we did! It's going to be great doing this run with Chris, instead of just having him waiting for me at the finish line. :-)

Always comes back to this...is it worth it?

2006-03-29T16:23:00.000-05:00

I came in to work yesterday to some devastating news-my VP "resigned"...that is in quotes because we all know it was a forced resignation. My first reaction was one of disgust, because all of us think the wrong person was "shot". I have been at this company for almost 6 years, and most of that time has allowed me growth, if not in title, but in responsibility as well as knowledge. The last 8 months or so has been difficult for all of us. A new leader was brought in, and at first, no big deal. But once this person got a better understanding of the business and began to insinuate him/herself into our operations, the pain began. My particular department's pain began a few months ago, and it seems that my VP was the sacrificial lamb. My former VP is a standup person, always professional, intelligent, and even sensitive to family demands, and he/she will be missed by all of us. Does this prove that the nice guy always finishes last? This has been so disheartening...I've said this before, I leave my 2 beatuful children at home w/someone other than me, for this??? Is it worth it?

Boring "housewife" type stuff

2006-03-26T16:58:00.000-05:00

Just got back from the supermarket, aka "stupidmarket" in our house. Its absolutely amazing that I can spend $150-$250 every Sunday and have no food left come Friday! We are not big eaters in this house, as a matter of fact, before Melanie was born, we rarely had any food in the house, other than chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. Sammy is a very picky eater, and Chris and I really don't eat much...cereal gets us by just fine. But ever since sweet little Melanie moved off babyfood about 3 years ago, we have had to keep this house STOCKED! She says she is hungry about every 15 minutes, and generally goes for healthy snacks. It is unreal. Today was an inexpensive day comparatively, only $125! That is because I did not have to buy meats, cleaning products or paper products. That crap adds another $50 minimum!

Do I sound like a total housewife or what? I am SOOOO not the domestic goddess, but every Sunday, there I am with all the other ladies, filling up my cart, sorting through coupons, and handing over my grocery savings card just so I can save a few bucks. Today's total savings was a whopping $17! My mother-in-law told me she used to place the receipt on the fridge every week to prove to her husband that she tried to save wherever she could. Some things don't change, here I am, working full time, contributing a substantial amount to this family's income, and I too, feel I have to justify the money I spend by parading the amount I saved before my husband. Its nuts, I guess its true, the more things change, the more they remain the same.

Its all how old you feel, right?

2006-03-21T15:31:00.000-05:00

I turned 38 last weekend. How weird is that? How can I be so close to 40, when I will be mentally 25 forever. Does that happen to everyone? Do 75 year old men and women still think of themselves the same way as a 25 year old? Or does that mental age increase with every decade? Like when I'm 50, I'll be 40 mentally?

Chris took me to Atlantic City for the big day, and it was awesome. My mom took care of the kids at her apartment in Brooklyn, so they were happy to have a "sleepover at Aggie's" (that's what they call her). And we had fun, being us, no kids, and losing $$!

It was nice, I have been having a brutal couple of weeks at work, nothing I can write here about, lest I get "dooced"

And to add to the age thing....my 20 year HS reunion is around the corner. I originally was going to go stag, but the people from HS I am still close to are bringing their significant others, so I am dragging Chris. I will owe him bigtime! It's in May, at the BLVD in NYC, some trendy, expensive place that I really have no desire to go, and I have no idea what to wear...what do you wear to a reunion in a trendy bar??? Little black dress? Its like sooo much pressure....I went to HS in downtown Manhattan, in the 80's, and it was pressure then. You had a few choices of styles...Benetton and Polo preppy, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper trashy, Boy George-esque, a little bit of the Flashdance thing...no matter which way you chose, there was a bit of pressure to be hip and fit in, especially when you were from a Borough (Brooklyn in my case), and did not live in Manhattan. Hmmm...any ideas?

A wedding and same family baggage

2006-03-01T16:35:00.000-05:00

I am going to write about something I have not really mentioned in this Blog, and I am only finally getting to this very important part of my background because of some news I received last week, my Dad is getting married!

I am happy for him and his girlfriend, they are good together, and I really love her. I am very scared though of how my mom will react. Let me go back in time now...

My parents met in the 1960's, in Brooklyn's Coney Island, where my Dad was a lifeguard, and my mom a high school beach babe. They fell in love, and pissed off their families. My Dad was from a strict Catholic family, parochial school, church on Sundays, family dinner at 5, etc...my mom from a Jewish family, whose matriarch ran numbers and let in all sorts of strays, and patriarch was a NYC cab driver. So, as you can imagine...my mom's family saw him as 'goyem, my dad's family saw her as "different", and feel short of looking for the horns on her head. But they didn't care, they kept going, and soon became married, with me on the way only 8 months later. She was 18 when I was born, he 20. They were hippies in the 70's, and were ready to flee the country should he be drafted. They struggled to get by all my life. When I was 3, we left NY in a Willie's Jeep, packed with their friends, and headed out to California...not for oil like the Beverly Hillbillies, but to live in San Diego so my dad could study at Scripps. We stayed there only a few months, my mom missed Brooklyn and her family, and my Dad's hippie ways did not go over well in conservative San Diego.

Back in Brooklyn, my dad began to study leather and leather design, something he had gotten very interested while we were in California. They eventually opened a leather store off of Flatbush Ave in Brooklyn, and that was their livelihood. I was in kindergarten by this time, and my mom was pregnant with my sister. Before Jodi was born, we managed to rent the 1st floor of a private house in a nice neighborhood, trees, large Victorian homes, very comfortable. I think our rent was <$300. This was where we lived until I was 18, and I still yearn for the early years we spent in that house.

After my sister was born, money was more of a constant need, and my dad's store just wasn't bringing in the steady income we needed, so he went to work in the city for various companies, while hining his talents as an artist. Eventually, his talents became clear, as did his need to work independently, and my mom and he threw everything into a family business, allowing my dad to create his designs, but sacrificing their peace of mind by worrying about money, and working all the time on belts.handbags/designs/trade shows, etc. At the time, we were so young, we didn't know anything different, so we thought we were just like everyone else. Soon, we began to see we were different...our father was home during the day, working...but home. Our dad had long frizzy hair, our mom wore jeans and sweatshirts, and our furniture and dishes were totally mismatched and rundown. Soon, I started to realize that we were different, not in a bad way, but definitely different than the Irish Catholic neighbors on the block, or the Jewish Americans I went to school with.

Fast forward 10 years or so, when I was in High School. My mom decided to pursue her GD, then an associates degree, which she did. She even got offered a full scholarship to Columbia for her Bachelor's, which she turned down so as not to be away from us, and my dad's business!!!!! She also got a job, at a leather store in Brooklyn Heights, for a friend of my Dad's. We needed the extra money, and she went to work. My sister and I became latch key kids, but my dad was also home most days working. This was the beginning of the end...

I graduated High School, and went away to college in upstate NY. At the time I left, things were tense between my Dad and I, but I thought things between my mom and dad were cool. I found out otherwise when I went home for Winter break. Unfortunately, my lack of attendance and studying caught up with me, and I was sent my grades via Fed Ex...never a good thing, this method of delivery was only used it you were suspended or dismissed. I was dismiised, but being that I was a freshman, I was given a chance to appeal to the school board and gain re-admission on a probationary basis. After several hours of arguing with my parents, we agreed that I should appeal...but this was not before my Dad said I did not deserve to go back to college, and my mom threw a bowl of spaghetti at him. It was awful, and Jodi was hysterical, so she and I left the house for a bit. It was then that I realized 2 things...1), I had to get myself readmitted to college away from home, and 2) things at home were not good...there were issues I was not aware of.

I did get back into school, and I gave 110% when I got back there. Things were ok, I had no bad news from home, and my grades were good, and I began seeing my now-husband, I was happy. But when I went home for spring break, I found out that my dad, who had recently moved his workshop to a loft in downtown Brooklyn, was no longer staying at home much. And I sensed a rift. But I went back to school, finished out the semester, still not knowing what was going on....til summer break....BAM! I overheard an argument, and heard my Dad say he was leaving. WOW. I was angry, I wanted my mom to say she was leaving him. She didn't deserve to be left, but she didn't stand up for herself either. I didn't know what to think, I didn't like him much when I was a young adult, we argued all the time. Two very stubborn, strong willed people with VERY different opinions on life...that was us. Its funny, because he and I look like identical twins, and we have so many similar traits...traits that kept us at odds when I was a teenager. He tried after they split though, he came up to school to take care of me when I was sick (his holistic way of course), he took me skiing. He really tried.

And then he met Lucy! I was afraid to meet Lucy, and I think she was even more afraid of me. But I liker her right away, it was hard not to. She is very sweet, very warm, and she obviously loves my dad for who he is. That is huge. Her presence made it easier for my dad to relate to me as an adult, and our relationship became less strained. She has been in his life now for about 17 years (I think??), and after some on and off again bumps in the road, they are getting married. They love in New Mexico, and are planning a very esoteric wedding, one I would love to be at. My daughters have been asked to participate, and I know it will be a joyous day for everyone...except for one person, my mom.

I am terrified of how she will react, so terrified that I have insisted my dad pick up the phone and tell her the news. I hope he does what I have asked, and I hope she realizes that this is not a slam on her, but rather a new chapter in his life. My family has never healed from this split, it has been a rough 20 years. My sister has paid in prices that I won't even go into, my mom is always anxious and her self esteem is solow. I have had the benefit of a stable relationship with Chris, and some very good friendships to help me through it. I do not harbor grudges, it is unhealthy and eats you up from the inside. This is why my Dad and I are ok now, I know he left to stay healthy, and I have followed in his footsteps. As soon as I was able, I left the family home, and moved out on my own, and began my adult life. I had to, I had to save myself, and 20 years later, I can confidently say I am ok.

Eeeew....gross (one of the things a mother cannot say to her sick kids)

2006-02-15T15:13:00.000-05:00

There is one thing in this world that makes me act like a paranoid freak...its the dreaded evil stomach virus. I have had trouble with this particular illness since I was a little kid. Someone pukes, I run. I need to puke...I deny it til I am overcome with tears and crying for my mommy. No kidding. So, how did someone like me ever decide to have kids???? I think I must have convinced myself that my kids would be above it all...and they would know to throw up in the toilet, and not on carpets, in their beds, on their clothes, on me.... HAHAHAHAHA!

Sammy is now 7, and in her 7 years, she has had the virus 4 times. 4 times that I remember VIVIDLY. Melly is almost 4, and she has had it 2x...and counting. Sammy was sick earlier this week, and now my sitter has it. Chris, Melly and I have so far escaped...but I do not kid myself, no one escapes this...you can't hide! The germs find you, and when you are least expecting it...BAM, you are down for the count! I have washed my hands at least a thousand times, they are raw from antibacterial soap.

I can remember being about 12, at my Aunt Kathy's house on Staten Island. My sister got sick, and threw up orange juice all over their front lawn, and then later in their living room. My cousin Gina and I both experienced sympathy pains and rain away screaming. My mom was sooo mad at me, and I totally can see why she was, but I was not faking. I truly cannot control the spins and twists of my own stomach when I know someone else is getting sick. Its awful. And here I am, 2 days after my oldest daughter got sick...waiting for the proverbial "other shoe" to drop, or in this case, shoes. Reminds me of the South Park episode where all the parents want their kids to get Chicken Pox from the one kid who has them...at least once the kids get it, they know they are done. I know we are not done, and as much as I don't want the 3 of us to get it, its inevitable, and the wait is killing me. I know, I should be in therapy for this!

Blizzard of 06!

2006-02-15T13:11:00.000-05:00

Don't you just laugh at how the news gives minor events these ominous titles!
Well, here is some footage of our snow day:

Pictures as promised

2006-02-15T13:03:00.000-05:00

Let it snow...

2006-02-12T09:44:00.000-05:00

Yipee...its snowing! I may be one of the few people who are HAPPY about this major snowstorm hitting the Northeast, but as you all know, I love to ski! And I have a trip planned to Vermont during President's week. And sadly, there is no snow up there. And even more sad...while we are getting 12"+ down here on Long Island, Vermont is getting a mere 2-5". But at least its cold enough for them to make some of the white stuff. I am going with my friend Brig, and our 2 oldest children. They love to ski too, and there is nothing cuter than watching your kid french fry and pizza down a hill! Out in the west they call it wedgies and christies, but no matter the terminology, they are learning to ski and someday they will blow past us on the mountain, and that will be a proud moment for us! I did not learn to really ski until I was in my 30's! I started skiing at 17, way too late in my book. Samantha started at 5, and she is already doing blue runs and moguls. I love it!

In April, the 2 families are going to Breckenridge, and we are getting our 2 youngest, who will be just under 4 on skis too. How cute that will be! Just hope they enjoy it as much as their older siblings.

We have about 10" outside already, and its not supposed to stop until much later this afternoon...so we will be outside shoveling, playing, and freezing our behinds off. WOO HOO

2006-02-03T16:37:00.000-05:00

So we are back...

We came back last Fri am, on a red eye from Sacramento. Let me just get this out in the open....next time, we fly to Reno. This was our 5th trip to Lake Tahoe, and let me say, its a LONG trip from NY no matter how you go, but we tried something new this year. Last year, while chatting with a Tahoe local, we learned that Sacramento was a mere 2 hour drive from Tahoe, and we could fly Jet Blue directly from JFK! WOW! Direct TV at my seat, and no stopover??? We said "woo hoo, we're there!"

What we didn't know, was that Jet Blue has 1 flight to Sacramento, and 1 flight back to NY...both of them redeyes. And the other thing we did not realize is that the drive between Sacramento and Tahoe is twice as long as the drive from Reno, and way more hairy. If you have never driven the Sierras in a snow storm, then you don't how important this little tidbit is...but for any of you know what it is like to drive your rented SUV up and down these mountains where chains are not only required, but your car is checked at actual chain checks along your travel, you will understand why next time....we will fly to Reno, and enjoy that stopover!! Oh yea, another thing...the flight to Sacramento was nearly 6 hours...6 hours of sleepless, fidgeting, there is nothing on TV, starving, my butt is numb....it was almost unbearable. Chris and I were both DYING to get off that damn plane. And when we did, and retrieved our massive luggage (skis/boots/garb), and finally grabbed the rental car bus, rented our SUV, and got into the SUV....we took a few wrong turns, and turned that 2 hour drive into a 4 hour drive! So...in a nutshell, left our home on Long Island at 5:00 PM, boarded plane at JFK at 8:00 PM, landed in Sacramento at 11:40 PM (2:40 AM EST)...and arrived in our hotel room in South Lake Tahoe at 4:00 AM (7:00 AM EST for those of you who are keeping track). Do the math, that is 14 hours of traveling to go just across the country. But you know what...we will do it again, because we LOVE that place!

And then, we had 4 awesome days of skiing. Monday we did our usual 1/2 day stint at Heavenly. Being that we had no sleep, a 1/2 day is all we can manage. We had an awesome dinner at Ceasar's...I can still taste that warm chocolate souffle...mmmmm! Tuesday we tried a new mountain, a local place called Homewood. It was great, had excellent views of the lake, and 2 full day tickets cost less than 1 1/2 ticket at Heavenly! Wednesday we went to my fave, Kirkwood. I love that mountain, its always a challenge, and they always have the most powder! And this year, we conquered the Wall! Not as a planned challenge, but conquered all the same: Chris said "Let's get on that lift, the one over there that goes all the way up...see there where it says the Wall?" OK, stupid me says "sure, lets go". OK, so this is our FIRST run of the day...we go up on the world's longest lift, climbing up and up and up, the wind getting fiercer...and then we get off the lift to face this: One one side, orange barrier with a skull and crossbones and "For Experts Only"...on the other...Double Diamond vertical drop, all moguls. Hmmmm....can you say "FUCK?" Chris and I both just stared at it for several minutes, contemplating if we could slide on our asses to safety.... Finally, we went for it...and we made it. It wasn't pretty, but we did it. I took some pics, and I will try to post as soon as I upload them.

Ah...which brings me to the end of our trip...

Wed night I started getting chills and body aches, but I took some Advil and dismissed them. We drove up to Reno, to have some Lettuce wraps and Mongolian beef at PF Chang's, and try our gambling somewhere else since South Lake was taking all of my money. Dinner was great, but the Advil was wearing off, and I was getting achy again, but I was trying to keep it to myself so as not to ruin our trip. After about an hour or so, Chris could see I was hurting, and Reno was no kinder to our wallets, and he suggested we head back to Tahoe...and I heartily agreed. I took some more Advil, but it just didn't help. We went back up to our room, and I passed out. The next day, Thursday, I toughed it out, and we skied at Sierra. Somehow I got through the skiing ok (more Advil!), and we met up with my friend's cousin, and had a pretty good day out there. We headed back to the hotel to shower and get ready for our drive back to Sacramento, and that was when it got bad. The snow was coming down, I was feverish and ache all over, and the drive was endless. Chris drove like a pro (he always does) and got us to the airport safely. I was dying by this time, and couldn't wait to board the plane so I could sleep. I figured, as tired as I was, and as sick as I felt, surely I would sleep....HA! I hadn't accounted for the finicky, and anal expulsive infant that would sit behind us, or the jaw clenching pain that would grip my ears as we ascended into our cruising altitude....and then as we descended...I actually whimpered, winced and damn near cried as we landed. It sucked.

We got back to our house at about 10 AM, and I passed out in my bed by 11:00. And I did not wake up til 4, when I realized I was really and truly sick....fever, sore throat, and is that what an ear infection feels like? Yep, that's what it was, and here I am, more than a week later, and I still can't hear out of my left ear! And then...just as I am beginning to feel better, and head to work, Chris starts feeling like crap. Yep, he got it too. And that's not all....Sat night, while he was out with the kids while I slept...we had a massive flood in the basement, which destroyed our computer, and we think it was the proverbial last straw that pushed Chris from the brink of "I can fight this off" to full fledged "shit, I have the flu". Poor guy was up til almost 4 am cleaning it up. This was after being up all day Thurs through Fri night. And this my dear Internet...is why I have not managed to upload those darn pictures yet! But I will, and you will see why we love that place, and why we will tortur ourselves w/that crazy flight/drive again!

Going away....

2006-01-22T15:50:00.000-05:00

1 more hour, and we are off to the airport...

This little trip could not have come at a better time. I had the worst week at work I have had probably since before I left MCI. I can't even get into it without getting upset, maybe I will be able to explain after my vacation...let's just suffice it to say that I will be updating my resume and seeking another position internally... I can no longer swallow my pride and stay where I have been comfortable for more than 5 years.

Our sitter will be here soon so we can be on our way, to say we are excited is an understatement! I will try to get some good mountain shots and post them here... I wil miss the kids so much, but I know they will be fine, and the hugs we will give each other when we get back will be back breaking! :-)

Lake Tahoe here we come!

January 9, 1994 to January 9, 2006 and still going :-)

2006-01-09T14:06:00.000-05:00

12 years ago today, on a very very blustry and snowy day, Chris and I were married! It was about 40 degrees colder, and there was ice and snow everywhere. If you look outside today, you'd think it was the beginning of spring 59 degrees and sunny, instead of the early days of winter! So, 12 years...amazing. We have been together for almost 19 years! Its been a good ride, and I'm so glad we are still enjoying the ride together. We met when we were 18, began dating at 19, and have not looked back ever. This birthday, I will be able to officially say I have been with Chris 1/2 my life, and he the same. (we are exactly 9 days apart, and began dating on his 19th birthday). I think one of the secrets to our happiness, is that we really were friends first, and still are. We became really close in college b/c of some similar interests. I remember, running into him at the Greyhound Station in Albany, as we waited for our buses...me to Port Authority, him to Hempstead, LI. As we waited, we talked about our lives before college, and found out we had so many things in common, that we started an imaginary scroll. That scroll is now probably longer than the Great Wall of China!

Another secret is, every year, for the past 12 years we have gone away together for our anniversary. Even after having kids, we have still kept up this tradition. And for the 3rd year in a row, we are going back to Lake Tahoe, which is where we spent our honeymoom. I am sooo excited, skiing...gambling...no kids....ah! Of course, we will miss our precious girls, but for a few days, we can wake up at our own leisure, eat real grown up food w/o having to worry if the restaurant has a kids menu...doesn't it sound heavenly?

Happy Anniversary Chris, I love you as much as ever, and I am looking forward to our next 12 anniversaries! (ok, not just the annual ski trip ;-)

How do you say goodbye when you don't want to?

2005-12-28T16:30:00.000-05:00

I have been trying for the last 2 days to write something to post here. As you can see, I have been unsuccessful.

I am so sad, and so lost. My best friend's mom passed away on Monday (12/26). The same woman who survived pneumonia this past summer. The same woman, who against all odds, went home in October and began to reclaim her life. The same woman who defined strength and determination. The same woman who always knew when I was lying to cover up for my friend. I will miss her terribly.

How do you get past losing your mom? My own mom is so young, that it seems impossible that I will go through this one day. I know it is a fact of life, but I have lived my life in relative denial, until now. Brigitte's mom was young too, only 69. She had a whole other part of her life to look forward to, with her husband, watching her own kids with their families, spoiling her grandchildren...

One thing I am grateful for is that Brigitte's children had such wonderful and close relationships with their grandmother. That is something to be treasured.

Hola Internet!

2005-12-21T17:11:00.000-05:00

Oh, I spoke too soon...I was not ready for Xmas! I could kick myself...last week, when I was finishing up in Toys R Us, I passed by Dora's Talking Kitchen. I told myself I was not getting it, we have a kitchen...ok, well..big mistake! That day, the kicthen was $89.99...today on Ebay, I paid $127.50 + shipping. Next time, my advice...buy it when you see it, you can always return it later.

And now for a bit of a rant....these Ebay people are worse than ticket scalpers! They buy up the season's most popular toy, turn around, sell it to the poor guilt ridden parents who don't want their kids to lose faith in Santa, for 2-3x the price! It is awful, and I know that I just exacerbated the problem, but I had to get that off my chest.

Next year I will try to do this differently...I will take that Toys R Us Big Book when it comes, and I will go to Toys R Us BEFORE Thanksgiving...and buy what I need! yea, ok...if you believe that, that and a Metro Card will get you on the subway...oh wait, no it won't...TRANSIT STRIKE! I wonder how those people are getting their Dora Kitchens?

6 more days?????

2005-12-19T16:32:00.000-05:00

How could it be? Christmas is breathing down my neck. It is unreal...when we were kids, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed like an eternity. Now, as an adult and mother of 2, I can't seem to even recognize that Christmas comes after Thanksgiving until the calendar is in the 2nd week of December. My first attempt at Christmas shopping was last week! But somehow, I am done! Ok, almost done...Chris told me he wants a comfy chair for his dungeon (the basement, where he works on the computer at night while the rest of us are in dreamland). I don't know how exactly I am supposed to determine comfy-ness since I am about 8" shorter than him, but for him...I will try ;-)

My sweet girls

2005-12-09T16:37:00.000-05:00

This was the reject for this year's Xmas cards. My little angels!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

2005-12-09T16:21:00.000-05:00

Hello out there! So, 3 snow storms in 1 week...I love it! Most people I work with are miserable when it snows...not me, I grin from ear to ear! See, I love to ski, and my mountains need some snow! We are planning some trips, both here in the Northeast and of course where the real skiing is...out west, and the more snow the better! Of course, my 7 year old is luckier than me...she got her first snow day for the school year and here I am, sitting at work! Figures, eh?

On my way home last night, the traffic lady on the radio station I was listning to was saying how the kids in her neighborhood all wear their pj's inside out and backwards when they want LOADS of snow. I had never in my 37 1/2 years heard of that! Then, my sitter told me that Sammy's teacher told me that their teacher told them to do the pajama thing, and throw ice cubes out the window. Amazing...because Sammy did all but the ice cubes, and with barely an inch of snow on the ground, schools across Long Island were closed! I was NEVER that lucky growing up in Brooklyn...we had them occasionally, but only when we had like a foot of the white stuff.

So come on Old Man Winter! Bring some more snow... Tahoe could use some more...that forecast is looking a little dry!

Did u know Bubble Yum is filled with spider eggs?

2005-11-03T14:47:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make...I am a closet fan of 1970's bubble gum music! I am sitting here right now, listening to Free Internet Radio, and while the station I am playing is called "#1 Hits", I keep skipping past all the songs and only stopping at 70's pop, like Kung Fu Fighting...Lonely Boy...The Night Chicago Died...and so on and so on. (hey, remember that commercial for Fabrege Organics shampoo, also from the 70's: "I tell 2 friends, and you tell 2 friends, and so on and so on.." and the woman with the beautiful hair begins to fill up several squares on the screen, sort of like a hybrid of The Brady Brunch and Hollywood Squares?) Ok, I digress...

But even as a kid, my parents, who raised us on Dylan, Beatles, Stones, Springsteen, Clapton and a whole assortment of folk singers...Guthrie (father and son), Phil Ochs, Peter Paul & Mary, Joan Baex, Jonie Mitchell....could not bear to listen to me as I bopped around the house with my HOLLY HOBBY (! and matching NIGHTGOWN) radio, listening to Styx and REO Speedwagon! And here I sit, 30 years later..listening to Knock 3 Times!!! Here we go, some Donovan...that would make Dad proud!

Vegas, curls, bowling and steak

2005-10-31T13:43:00.000-05:00

Is it really the end of October? Well, Happy All Hallow's Eve to all of you!

This month has FLOWN by...I had 2 major events this month that took up most of my focus, first I went to Las Vegas for an industry confernce 2 weeks ago, then we had Sammy's 7th Birthday party the Saturday after I came hoe, (a veritable bowling bash), and here it is, Halloween! How did this happen? I guess all those rainy days were the passing of October???

Oh yes, and I also had my haircut. One of these days I will post a picture of me so you can all understand why a haircut is a monumental event for me...I have naturally curly hair, and for years I hated every single strand of it. But a few years ago, my SIL told me about Ouidad, and for the first time in my life, I had a haircut that didn't send me running to a sink to wet my hair so I could start over! Not only are they skilled at cutting hair like mine, the Ouidad products are amazing. This is all a very expensive undertaking, but hey man, its my hair! ;-) If there are any people reading this blog, who are "blessed" w/curls, you NEED to click the link above...it is soooo worth it! It is so good, that my best friend now sends her curly-coiffed husband with me! So he and I had "a date" while our spouses stayed home with the kids.

So, my "date" and I went to the city (NYC to the rest of the world) for our Ouidad appointments, then had a yummy yummy dinner at an overpriced steakhouse...but so worth it.

So...Vegas! I think I have mentioned before that I love Vegas. So, when I saw that IPComm2005 was at Belaggio, I made a beeline to my boss' office requesting approval to attend. Of course, they all made fun of me, (my affection for Vegas is no secret at work either!)...but my business case was strong, so I got the approval. One catch, Chris was unable to join me (ran out of vac days and he is just too damned busy at work), so I had to go alone. I have done this before, and its not that much fun. But this time, I tried to make the best of it...hey, Vegas...no kids...! So, every evening, after the seminar, I made special efforts to take care of me. Room Service, excellent vino, a massage, and of course used their luxorious gym and sauna! It was extremely relaxing, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Unfortunately, my relaxed spirit was all I took home with me, my money was left there...split between Monte Carlo and Bellagio!

That's all I have time for now, heading home soon for Trick or Treating with my 2 Witch Sisters!! Damn they are adorable! This is the first year the little one will really appreciate what it means to ring a doorbell and get some candy just for being cute as a button in her costume! I can't wait! (and not just b/c I want to setal some of their treats...although she had better hide all the Reese's from me!)

Happy Haunting!
Jamie

Girls rule (boys drool)

2005-09-29T10:20:00.000-04:00

Why is it that moms can always manage to push responsibilties aside for their their families? As I mentioned in my last post, Chris has been working long hours the past 2 weeks. (Ok, he always has long hours, but we've hit extremes lately). He is able to do that, because I am home with the kids while he stays at work. He is busy, but so am I. But no matter how busy I am, I still manage to leave work by 6:00, and get home for the kids. I am drowning at work, I have been handed several additional responsibilities, while still maintaining my old ones. I go crazy all day trying to get everything done so I can get home on time. And if for some reason I NEED to stay, I will have to ask my sitter to stay late, and cough up extra $$ for her time. She deserves this $$, but it is painful for 2 reasons: #1 to ask her to stay late, and then #2, pay more $$ to her for substituting for me, the evil heartless mother who must stay at work while she gets to stay with my beautiful children and enjoy their giggles and hugs. So my guilt is now two-fold...first, the guilt over not seeing my kids; second...guilt over being a working mom, and using the money I earn to pay a sitter. Is it worth it? Especially when I end up paying her extra because I have to stay at work...I do not get paid for extra time...no OT for me.

I used to think my sanity was worth all this craziness. I don't know if I could handle being home every day. But I don't really know this because I HAVE NEVER STAYED HOME. Other than my maternity leaves, I have worked throughout my entire adult life, and I don't know how to stop. Should I stop? Or am I missing some valuable lesson here. Maybe my life would be more relaxed and enjoyable if I was home with the kids, keeping control of their schedules and activies. Tidying my house throughout the day instead of making mad dashes from room to room when I get home from work, returning toys and miscellaneous items to their rightful place. Cooking them real family dinners instead of my sitter serving them the convenient food they insist on...chicken nuggies, cheesy noodly (good ol' Kraft dinner to you BNL fans), fishsticks, etc. Why do I keep telling myself I need to work? Maybe its because that is all I know? Maybe its because I like to have the extra income that allows us the perks we enjoy? But is that extra income going out the window because we have a sitter? I know I am not alone, I know there a thousands of other moms having the same identity struggle I am. My best friend is going through a similar time as well. We tell ourselves that we need to work, but are we being truthful? Or are we hiding from the unknown? We tell ourselves that our children are learning a valuable lesson from their super woman mothers...but what is that lesson? I'm beginning to think my girls will only learn that working moms are tired all the time. Or that they are too busy getting ready for work to stop and eat breakfast with them in the morning. Or that working mommys stay thin because they are NEVER home to have dinner with them. Or even worse, working mommys forget to read the notices their kids' bring home from school. Or can't be a clas mother...or can't attend a PTA meeting. It would be a little easier on me if my husband didn't get home so late from work, then I could attend the PTA meetings. I would be able to attend to one daughter without sacrificing the other...because Chris could be with one. But right now, its just me...me checking homework, me doing bathtime, me making lunches, me doing bedtime, me trying to play with both of them individually and together.

Someone please send me a crystal ball! There has to be one made for mommys who don't know their ass from their elbows anymore! Or is left from right? Anyone? Bueller?

Babble mistress

2005-09-23T16:31:00.000-04:00

I'm ashamed of how long it has been since I've blogged. I know if I was waiting THIS long for an update on a blog I read, I'd be pretty PO'd.

There has been a lot going on...

I ran that 10K, and let me tell you...the sense of accomplishment I felt when I crossed that finish line, seeing my time up there...less than what I estimated...there is no drug out there that could produce such a high. I felt like I could have run another 10K (hahahahaha). I wanted to hug all the sweaty people who crossed that line with me. You can check out the pictures of me if you like, although I must warn you, I am one hot, sweaty bastard!

And here is the best part: I was not sore the next day! I was able to walk, and even take the kids to NYC to meet my mom, and hit Serendipity3 for lunch (yum) and Bloomingdales for some shopping. And then, drove my mom back to Brooklyn, and feeling so good and happy, suggested driving through the old neighborhood where I grew up, to show my kids where mommy was a kid. Unfortunately, the annual Flatbush Frolic had just ended and the streets were blocked, but a nice cop let me sneak in, and I got to show Sammy my house. (Melly was asleep by this time, and she slept from this point all the way to th enext morning!) We even got a chance to visit my sister, which made Sammy soooooo happy. It was a good day. And that is a good thing for my husband, because he had to go to work that day..all day.

Which brings me to the next reason I have not been blogging. Both Chris and I have has been under water at work. I have been so busy that I can't even feel that 9 hours have passed, and then I look up at the clock on my PC, and go "HOLY S, I have to get out of here." I have been breaking my ass to get home to see the kids, because these kids should see at least one parent per day! Chris has not been home. He leaves before any of us are up, which is th enorm, and usually is home by 8. But lately, its been more like 10, and if there is an end in sight, it is not within his grasp yet to let us know he will be seeing us one of these days. He has to work this weekend too. Don't get me wrong, he is as bummed about this as us, he is miserable, tired, cranky, and could really use a good laughing fit with our girls. He is such a great Dad, and that is why this is so hard. He is an involved Dad, a responsible Dad, and an active part of their days. I know it is killing him to not get their hugs and kissed, and it is for this reasn that I want this to end for him. Sometimes I think he should just toss it in and stay home with the kids. The money would be an issue, but damn, would he be happy! And so would the kids! And so would I! Time to play Mega Millions.

Ahhhh, got lost in a dream there. How nice would it be to win that kind of money? Not have to worry, be able to help all those people down South, my mom could quit working, my dad could finally have all the resources he needs to be recognized for his talents (I will go into that another time)...and my husband could do what he loves most. Be with our children, and volunteer to help all of world's people. Me, well, I may still work because that is what I do. But my job allows me a normal life, and I actually enjoy what I do. Guess I'll have to go and buy some lottery tickets tonight...gotta be in it to win it....a dollar and a dream...

Have a great weekend everyone, don't know about you, but I am GLAD THIS WEEK IS OVER!

Is you is or is you ain't my baby?

2005-09-07T17:03:00.000-04:00

1st day of school already! Sammy started 2nd grade today. Do you remember 2nd grade? I sort of do...Ms. Brozinsky was my teacher, and I was in a different class than most of my 1st grade friends, so I had to make all new ones. They all had Mrs. Geller, and she was pretty w/long straight, brown hair...sort of like the skinny woman from The Magic Garden (yes, my favorite show at the time!). They actually came to my school once, it was awesome ;-)

I can't believe my baby is in 2nd grade. And even more shocking, Melanie, who is the baby, is starting preschool next week! Do you know what that means? She ain't no baby no more!

off to the races

2005-08-30T17:11:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've had 2 appointments with the chiropracter who specialized in ART . It is amazing! When I left there Friday evening, my heel/calf area was all back to normal, like I never had any pain. Turns out this whole thing started higher up in my leg, and worked its way down. Last night, he worked on my hip flexor, and I ran 4 miles this morning with very few twinges in that area, not bad at all. Tomorrow night should be my last appointment until after the Cow Harbor Run (the 10K race I am aiming for middle of next month). I am pretty excited about all of this, Chris and the girls will come, and they will do the 2K Run/Walk while I attempt to complete the 6.2 mile course over Northport's sprawling hills! YIKES.

OUCH! And what is your Achilles heel?

2005-08-26T15:52:00.000-04:00

Oh boy, I am in trouble. I mentioned a few posts ago that I had entered a race with some coworkers, and that I might add running to my workout regimine. So, I did, and I am loving it. I have added a mile to my comfortable distance, so now I'm up to about 3.5 miles, and reduced my time from 11min 40sec to 10 min. OK, not bad, right? I even set a goal for myself for next years Corporate Challenge, 35 minutes. (that would be 6 minutes better this year's time). Well...I have done what I was hoping would not happen...hurt myself! UGH. I think I have achilles tendonitis. I have not been able to run for 3 days, and sometimes even walking is too painful. Today is a better day though, I feel much more comfortable, and I have an appointment tonight for what could be my saving grace! ART! Active Response Technique...a treatment that a triathlete at work told me about, sounds like it could be the ticket! I am hoping and praying...there is a run in a few weeks I want to do, 10K (yikes). I was planning on walking/running it, b/c its double my comfortable distance, and quite hilly. I am off to the miracle doctor, here's hoping...hey, if this works for real athletes, it HAS GOT to work for little ol me?

How long is 3 minutes? depends...are u getting coffee or burying a loved one?

2005-08-24T16:24:00.000-04:00

Oh boy...my addiction to coffee is BAAAAAAD! Yesterday, we went to the funeral. After the mass, we were to follow the funeral procession to the cemetary for the burial. The funeral was in Rockville Centre, which is not known for its lax parking rules, so before we left, since Chris and I were going in his father's car, I had to move mine out of its stale 2-hour spot into another 2 hour spot. In the process of doing this, I spotted Dunkin' Donuts. My aching head, empty stomach, and severe thirst hit me all at once..."MUST HAVE AN ICED COFFEE". So, after I moved the car, I asked my FIL if I could grab a coffee before we left. He said "sure, but hurry, and get me one". OK, did that, with Chris yelling at me the whole time, saying we'd make his dad miss the procession. But I wouldn't hear of it, and went ahead w/my plan.

We took all of 3 minutes in Dunkin' Donuts, but yep...my FIL missed the processsion, and we headed out to Queens with only 3 sentences of directions from the funeral home...ending in LIE West to Maurice Avenue...that is it, no more details. Any of you from this area know that Queens has a TON of cemetaries, as a matter of fact, as a kid growing up in Brooklyn and really never having been to Queens, other than as a pass-through on our way to LI to visit relatives, all I ever saw was this HUMONGO cemetary, so I assumed Queens was where you buried dead people! So, we got off the exit, and that was it. Couldn't find an entrance to the cemetary, my FIL knowing this particular area, thought we should get back on the LIE, which we did...going as far west as we could without going to NYC, then back east, then back west, until we finally got back to Maurice Avenue, still unable to find an entrance. At that point, Chris who had been trying to call his mother's cell this whole time to let her know we were lost...finally was able to reach her, and was informed that we'd missed the burial. UGH! All my fault, and I felt TERRIBLE! Chris was visibly upset, and I didn't know what to do. I looked at him meekly and told him I was sorry, and I know that wasn't enough, I don't know what is enough. His mom and sister were not mad, apparently the burial didn't take any longer than getting coffee in Dunkin Donuts. I am sorry Agnes, it is all my fault that Chris, John and Charles were not there. :-(

I am public, what are you?

2005-08-22T14:59:00.000-04:00

I've been remiss...I just saw that my last post was almost 3 weeks ago. Been a crazy couple of weeks.

My inlaws left last Saturday, only to have to return this Saturday. One of my mother-in-law's relatives, Agnes, a wonderful and vibrant lady who I have known for almost 20 years, passed away on Thursday. She was 87, and from what I understand, knew she was going to die for way longer than any of us did, she was told she had cancer (pancreatic I think), and kept this to herself, not wanting to hurt her quality of life, nor burden those who cared for her. Tomorrow is the funeral, a Catholic mass and burial.

I struggle with these religious moments, I was not raised with a religion, my mother is a non-practicing Jew, and my father is a non-practicing Catholic. They gave me a choice when I was growing up, and I chose to be "nothing". So, I will be the lonely "jew" (since my mom is Jewish, I am automatically Jewish), feeling like everyone else in the Church is staring at my proverbial horns, as they go up to the dais, and receive Communion. For this reason, I truly feel like I have to do more for my children than merely tell them to make a choice, b/c the truth is, no kid in their right mind will opt to go to religious instruction, church or temple vs. um...doing nothing! We have been discussing our local Unitarian church, now we just need to move beyond "discussion" ;-)

This all reminds me of one the smartest things my sister said: Our next door neighbors (3 boys) were Catholic, and went to Holy Innocents Catholic School, my sister and I went to P.S. 139 (public school). One day, Billy, the oldest boy, said to Jodi "I go to Cathloic School because I am Catholic, what are you?" And Jodi, in her 6 year old wisdom, said "I'm Public, I go to Public School." :-) Perfection!

Hazy, hot, humid and HORRIBLE

2005-08-04T16:11:00.000-04:00

ITS SO HOT OUTSIDE!!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. THEY SAY TODAY THE HEAT INDEX IS 105 - 110 DEGREES! Sorry for ALL CAPS, but I am sooo done with the summer.

Gee, I just can't wait to go out to my car, and get in the oven I call my front seat. Of course I have A/C, but as you know, in this weather, it takes a loooooooooooong time for the A/C to blow out cool air. My favorite thing is to press the "AMB" temperature button to see what my car thinks the temp is outside...my guess when I leave today? 120?

I am so looking forward to the fall...jeans and boot weather is what my sister and I call it. Best time of year, and sooo shortlived! Low humididty (major plus when you have naturally curly hair!!!), mild temps...ah...soon!

Anonymous? Uh...Not anymore

2005-08-04T09:40:00.000-04:00

Finally, I am searchable! Not sure why this matters to me so much, but since I started this blog, I have been trying to Google this page, with no luck. I still can't seem to find it on Google.com, but I can on Yahoo

Nobody in my personal life knows about this blog. Is that because I am shy? embarrassed? or maybe just private? I don't really know, but for now this is between me and all of you who don't know me.

The houseguests are coming!

2005-08-02T13:56:00.000-04:00

So my MIL is coming in tonight from California. She will be staying with us, and my FIL is coming on Thursday. They have been living bi-coastal for the past few years, 1/2 year here, the other 1/2 in Dana Point, CA. But they sold their NY home in January, and while they plan on buying a smaller place here, they have not really been able to look much. So, now they are coming, and planning to do the real estate thing and find a house here.

Fortunately, we have a guest room for them, but I'm not sure how comfortable they will be...or how comfortable I will be for that matter. They spent a week with us in January, and an unexpected week in February (the week the evil stomach virus hit any person who dared enter our home!), and then my MIL came to help us out when our sitter was on vacation for a week in March, and let me tell you...the house gets all sorts of crowded when they are here. The TV goes to volumes I didn't know were possible, and the mess...oh the mess! I am a bit of a clean freak, and I feel like I lose control of my key clean area...the kitchen. I clean up every night after my sitter and the kids...maybe I have OCD? Is it normal to walk into the house and just start putting things away without even realizing you are doing it? Normal routine for me: walk into house, pick up shoes by door and put them in shoerack; put coffee thermos into kitchen sink, hang up cordless phone that desperately needs to be charged; put all loose pens in pen drawer; load the dishwasher; wash coffee pot and get it ready for the morning; make Sammy's lunch for camp; clean counters, sweep floor... getting the picture?

Anyhoo...this should all make for a fun week in hazy, hot and humid NY! Thank goodness for CAC! (central air conditioning for those of you not in the real estate acronym know ;-)

Jamie, Marathon Girl

2005-07-29T17:09:00.000-04:00

Friday is here again! Woo hoo

This was a HARD week. Every project I have been working on here has hit a brick wall, (ok, not just me, for my whole group!). Everybody in my circle is sick or has a sick relative, its been bad. My sister Jodi (Mush...from my first post) was admitted to Beth Israel on Monday with pneumonia and possible TB(!!!!), my nanny has been dealing w/terrible asthma and heart palpitations, my husband's family's dearest "matron" relative was in the hospital for a blood clot in her leg, and now we are told she has cancer, and my best friend's mom is STILL in the hospital trying to get off the ventilator. Oh yea, and both my kids have this weird fever thing on..its been rough week.

On a more positive note, I ran a race. I am not a runner, I am an elliptical trainer person, no impact, nice fluid motion. Running always knocks the crap out of me, and I usually avoid it all costs. But this year, when the JP Chase Corporate Challenge emails started flying at work, I decided to sign up. For a few weeks before I started running a bit on the treadnill, but it was killing me, so I stopped. Then Tuesday night, race night...uh oh! But I did it, I ran all 3.5 miles in 95+ degree weather, in 41 minutes! My only goal in this thing was to finish, and try to at least do a 12 minute mile, and I did, I ran, and beat the 42 minutes that I was targeting. But oh man, have I been paying for this. I have to walk downstairs sideways, and I have a constant stitch in my side. Today is the first day when I don't hold on to my desk when I stand up from my chair!

I am going to continue running I think... I say this now, but we will see. I can see why people get hooked on it. Now if I can just get rid of all the charleyhorses before I get back on the treadmill, or try to run on pavement again!

Time to get the hell out of Dodge
Lata

Battle of the Wonkas

2005-07-19T10:11:00.000-04:00

Samantha went to a birthday pary yesterday, at the movie theater. They were seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory , so I decided to tag along. We have basically raised Sammy on the Gene Wilder version, and Chris and I were ecstatic about the remake starring one of our favorite actors, Jonny Depp as Wonka.

Alas, we knew there was risk involved...whenever Tim Burton directs a movie, there is always risk. I was not impressed w/this newer version. It's not that I thought the Gene Wilder version was perfect either, it was not true to the story. Roald Dahl intended the book to be "dark", but Tim Burton went too far. And who told Johnny Depp to recreate Mr. Wonka in Wacko Jacko's image? I found myself cringing whenever he laughed, and began to worry that poor Charlie Bucket was in for more than a tour of the chocolate factory, and instead would end up hostage in Neverland!

The other thing missing was the "magic" of the factory itself. Not enough time was spent on the machines and the candy. That was the best part of the Gene Wilder version, the candy and the machines that made it.

And the Oompa Loompa's! I mean the Oompa Loompa! There was just one guy, and they used CGI to make it look like there were several oompa loompas. The songs were still a tale of lessons learned, but the Oompa Loompa was a bit creepy.

It was still an entertaining movie, but I am glad I got to see it for free instead of shelling out the $9.50!

Oompa Loompo Doompadee Do! (click for lyrics to all Oompa Loompa songs from the original version)

Bonus Schmonus

2005-07-14T13:55:00.000-04:00

When I joined this lovely company that I work for(a very large Cable company), my compensation consisted of a salary and an incentive plan. Unfortunately, 2 yeras after I joined the company,Wall Street decided it was tired of giving telecom and cable companies capital....so...the incentive plans and raises were "temporarily suspended"..and I lost about 20% of my compensation.
(I should add here, that I am also an ex-MCI employee, who lost her shirt in the Worldcom debacle...by shirt I mean 7 years of 401K, my pension, and stock, totalling close to $200K! It was a bad financial year...and also the year my husband got laid off, and little Melanie was born. Bernie gets 25 years, and I have to work for at least another 25 years to get back what I lost!

BIG NEWS from Wall Street this week and yippee yay!! Long time coming, but YES! I am getting my dough.

Now for the pathetic part...do I get to buy a new car? NO! Do I get to buy some fancy clothes? NO. Why you ask? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! I have waited 3 years for this money, and I want to do something "fun" with it. As someone here said "put it in the Jamie slush fund" C'mon you WOHM's, you know how it is...whats their's is ours, and what's mine is mine! ;-)

Romero has done it again

2005-07-13T15:05:00.000-04:00

We got to see Land of the Dead last night. It did not disappoint! Gory, scary, and freakily close to reality....it was awesome.

We were 2 in a crowd of maybe 10...but hey, it was a Tuesday night.

I love that this genre has migrated towards Zombies showing survival instincts. In the past, zombies have been dumber than dirt, coming across "food" by sheer dumb luck. 28 Days Later did have the speedy and super human strength zombies, but still...no instincts. Romero's latest zombies begin to remember things they did before they were dead, (like the gas station attendant who continues to try and pump gas,or the Zombie RagTime Band who is still in their park gazebo, making random sounds on waht is left of their instruments). It's brilliant, and I highly recommend this movie to all you zombie lovers out there

The hospital conundrum

2005-07-13T14:57:00.000-04:00

If I ever get sick, please let me be sick at home!

So, my friends' mom is still in ICU, and now, thanks to her confinement in such a place, and having been intubated for so long, she has now contracted an ICU-related bacteria, that can prove life threatening should she become infected. Right now, she is classified as colonized, but has not been classified as infected. Basically, she is a freakin host for somthing that may end up killing her, and to top it off...she gets this because of the treatments she has been given to keep her alive while she battles pneumonia. How fucking unfair is this? I read some of the literature, and it is scary. It is antibiotic resistant, and even drugs that it does react to....can become ineffective as this bacteria has shown itself to become resistant to the very drug used to treat it.

Cognitive Dissonance

2005-07-08T17:15:00.000-04:00

I received an email today, one of those post 9/11 types. I have seen it before, and now it is out again because of the terrible bombings in London...here it is:

Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test. The events are actual cuts from past history. They actually happened!!!Do you remember?-
1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
a. Superman
b. Jay Lenno
c. Harry Potter
d. Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by
a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year oldAmerican passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying torescue passengers was murdered by:
a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kidd.
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill' s women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to takeout the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers.Thousands of people were killed by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 4011.

In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangarooc
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

Nope, I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you?So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intenton killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profilecertain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone because of profiling.Let's send this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds andother dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwartcommon sense, feel doubly ashamed of themselves - if they have any such sense.As the writer of the award winning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it,"Stupid is as stupid does."Come on people wake up!!!

I don't remember if I mentioned that I was raised by hippie parents, who taught me that peace love and happiness is all we need to live..."all you need is love"... Ok, I am not naive enough to believe that if all sit around and sing kumbayah that we will all be healthy, happy and properous. However, I have always believed that things like racial profiling are wrong and un-American. But when you look at the examples above, it makes you think....as Americans, are we so blinded by our principles that we endanger the lives of our citizens?

I am one of the lucky New Yorkers that didn't lose anyone personally on 9/11, and I was employed at Tower 2 in 1993 when the bomb exploded in the basement...luckily I was out "in the field" selling when it happened. But one of my closest and oldest friends was in the basement of Tower 2 when the 1993 bomb hit. She survived to relay her fears and nightmares, and moved on with her life. But on 9/11, working further north in NYC, she was shaken to her bones as she was forced to relive what she had been through only 8 years earlier.

Could 9/11 have been prevented if we used racial profiling before allowing things like pilots licenses, car rentals, airline ticket purchases??? Are we so American that we continue to be a victim to those who want us destroyed? Have I lost all of my flower child naivete? Its a very sad day when you begin to doubt what your parents value so much. This is what the people who target our country and the people of the countries who reached out to us in our time of need have taken from us. Our innocence is gone. I have never been a supporter of the war in Iraq, and I still do not agree with what we are doing. But what is the answer? how do we end all this? Anyone wanna grab hands and sing Kumbayah? I'm game if you are.

Are my eyes even open?

2005-07-06T17:24:00.000-04:00

I am soooo tired today. The work day is just about done, but I was bone tired when I got in. Melanie has wet the bed 2x in the past 2 days, plus she has had several potty accidents in the past 24 hours. Not sure what is going on here, is she mad that I am back at work? Is she a normal 3 year old just having a setback? So when my sitter called me to tell me that Melanie was running a low fever, I of course jumped to the most logical explanation..."UTI!", but no, the pediatrician has assured us that she is fine.

I have not gotten a good nights sleep, as in more than a consecutive 2 hour block in several days now. My Origins "No Puffery" eye gel is becoming a daily essential! Samantha has taken to asking me why my blue eyes are black!

I went to the gym though, it wakes me up for a bit. Until about now...right before I have to get in my hot car and drive home. Where I will be met with 2 excited girls who can't wait to see their mommy...the mommy who will pretend she is awake and not about to keel over from exhaustion, but will somehow manage to bathe them, play with them, read stories, talk about our day... I treasure all of this, I really really do, but I am sooooo tired. Why can't I take a nap first? I promise I would be much better company if I could nap.

Firecracker Firecracker Boom Boom Boom

2005-07-05T13:55:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday America!
Is it wrong that we didn't see fireworks this year? Are my kids going to be scarred for life? Having grown up in Brooklyn, fireworks on the 4th (and of course the 5th...leftovers you know) are, in the words of the great Tevya, "Tradition". Living on Long Island, I have had to adjust what I consider how to celebrate the 4th. No block party, just random house parties, where some of them have fireworks, but no big "displays" or sharing with the rest of the neighborhood. While various houses in my neighborhood were beginning to light their assortment of firecrackers, roman candles, jumping jacks and pinwheels, my girls were tucked safely in their beds, sneaking a peak through their windows. Maybe next year we should drive down to redneck country and buy us some of them there explosives.

By the way, my husband tells me that he did have fireworks growing up on Long Island, but I am betting that he never saw his across the street neighbor light a belt of firecrackers from his 2nd floor terrace, that accidentally spilled over onto my next door neighbor's lawn under a tree, where a box FULL of various fireworks was waiting....can you say call 911??

We got back from Vegas a few days ago, we had a great time. Before we left, I was sort of ambivalent about going, my oldest daughter Samantha was upset that her pal Jackie couldn't come, and I knew I'd miss Brig and just the whole dynamic that we are so used to. But Brig was not able to come, her mom is still in the hospital, trying to fight this evil pneumonia. I think her prognosis has improved, but she had to have an operation over the weekend to help her healing along, and she is looking at least another 2 weeks in the hospital to recover from the surgery and get off the ventilator...the vent is the key. She has to be able to breathe on her own.

But our family of 4 survived the trip, and we really enjoyed ourselves. My sister in law drove out from southern California, and spent 36 hours or so with us, and it was really nice. All of our kids' cousins live in California and Hawaii, so we don't get to "visit" much. This was a treat.

Are you wondering why the word "visit" is in quotes? Did you ever get told by your mother, after spending an entire day (or even weekend!) w/her and the rest of the family, that is was nice to see you, but that we still didn't have a "nice visit"? Well, if it hasn't happened to you yet...BEWARE. You will not know how to react. You will only be able to roll your eyes as you walk away, or if you were lucky enough to hear this over the phone, hang up the receiver. Family!

Sometimes life gives you lemons, and you need vodka to spike the lemonade

2005-06-21T17:50:00.000-04:00

Sunday we leave for Vegas...I think??? This is our annual family vacation to Sin City, which we do with my best friend and her family. But now I don't know, my friend's mom is still in ICU on a ventilator. One positive thing...her white cell count is high, so she is fighting. GO KATI GO! My husband and I don't know if we are supposed to go on our trip or stay home? My friend will not be able to make this decision until close to the time we leave, and even then, I don't know?

This vacation has been on my friend's radar for so long, keeping her going, getting her through all of her daily stress, she needs this, hell we all need this! My kids and her kids want to play in sin city together. I also know that my friend needs me, and if she stays here with her mom, its because she is worried that she may not see her mom again, which means there is a good chance I wil be flying to Vegas, only to turn around and come home for my friend. This SUCKS! We need some intervention here, I have never been a religious person, but right now I don't know what else could help. Her mom is too young to leave us, and she is such an important person in their lives. She takes care of her grandkids while her daughter is at work. The grandkids will be devastated. Her husband will be lost and alone. They had trips planned too, Vegas this week, and Cancun the following. Can I say it again? THIS SUCKS!

Anyone out there who is reading this...what would you do? Go on the trip or reschedule? And if you are reading this, please send good vibes to Kati, she needs them, we all do.

Always hope

2005-06-20T17:30:00.000-04:00

My best friend's mom is in the hospital, and my friend seems to have lost all hope. It's just so sad, and I am not very good at this. I tend to think everything will be ok, that is just me, and how I manage. My friend on the other hand, who is struggling with her mom's mortality, is feeling very doomed, and I don't know how to help her.

Her mom, who is 70, has pneumonia. Her right lung is apparently filled with fluid, and her diaphragm was being taxed, so the Dr's thought it was best to put her on a ventilator. I think the sight of that has flipped my friend out, and her poor mother is strapped to a bed with the contraption, and she is being fed through a tube.

I want to make everything better, I don't want my friend and her family to suffer. Her mom is a tough woman, one of the toughest, she has to fight this, and not give up. My friend needs keep the hope so that her mom can feel it.

Being human is so unfair...knowing about our own mortality, and that of those we love is so brutal.

For my friend, who I love dearly, I will keep the hope for your mom, it is the only thing I can do for her right now, and she has all of my wishes and prayers. And if you need to cry, I am here for that too. I love you Brig, you and your mom are in my heart and soul.

Hallmark again!!!

2005-06-17T20:30:00.000-04:00

So its Father's Day this weekend...one of those Hallmark holidays that guilt you into buying a present for someone who really doesn't want anything! My husband, whom I love dearly, and is an amazing father to our kids, hates all of these holidays, (as do I). Both our dads are out of state, my dad lives in Tesuque, NM and my father-in-law is in California. (my inlaws do the bicoastal thing). So, maybe we will get to have a nice relaxing Sunday at home with the kids...HA ;-) I bet the kids will get up and make us breakfast (usually a bowl of cereal) and serve it to us in bed, way before either one of us is able to sit up in bed, let alone actuallt EAT something...but that is the joy of parenting, and something we will treasure, even as we force ourselves to eat the soggy cereal, and drink the warm tap water they will no doubt deliver with the cereal. Hey, not bad for a 6 1/2 yr old and a 3 yr old! When do kids start sleeping past 7am??

Shhh, don't tell him, but hubby is getting Mr. Show's 3rd and 4th seasons, I guess I'll give him the 3rd, and the kids can give him the 4th!

And what else for the weekend... We will be visiting relatives in NJ on Saturday, but first, before we make that godawful drive from Long Island to the dreaded Belt Parkway, we have to stop at an AWNING store! let me back up...last year, after living in our little ranch house for 7 years, we decided it was time to either move or add on, so we went for the addition. We added a second floor, and pushed out the back of the house a tad. In doing this, we destroyed our ugly cememt patio and screened in back porch. So, this year, the patio was the project. So, a few weeks ago, we had a deck built, a very very nice deck, that I am in love with, provided it is either before 8am, or after 6pm. My house, unfortunately, faces East, which means we have sun...all day long, and no real relief unless its predawn, or dusk. So, now that we spent all this money on our beautiful deck...we melt like Frosty the Snowman after 5 minutes! Which means, its time for us to drag the kids to the Retractable Awning place, to see if this is the answer, and if it is the solution my husband swears it is, how much more $$ will be laying out? I am rooting for 2 very large hanging umbreallas instead, so cross your fingers that the awning idea fails.

I'll let you know how the awning pans out!

And I work why?????

2005-06-16T17:13:00.000-04:00

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

When am I going to learn...escalating to management is USELESS! Every single time I do it, I regret it. She always has to go throuugh 30 minutes of background, ask annoying rhetorical questions, and make me feel as if I've done something wrong, when I know damn well that I haven't, and if she had been paying attention to the stuff I have been telling her she'd have a GD clue!

Next time I have to remind myself, just tackle the issue on my own....and if I fail, then I guess I will have to escalate, and repeat the steps above, and then hit myself on the head, and just say "who gives a F?"

Is it just me?

2005-06-13T17:20:00.000-04:00

Monday already, huh? Damn, where did the weekend go? Remember the days when after a long week of work, you finally made it to Friday, and you were sitting at work, all anxious to get the hell out of there, and go out, maybe for a drink? or a movie? or something...well, that pretty much ended when I had kids. Its such a weird phenomenon...I find myself in a love/hate relationship with Fridays. I love that it is Friday, and at the end of the day, I get to go home and be with the kids ...but I hate that it is Friday because at the end of the day, I get to go home and be with the kids.

Am I evil? I know there must be other moms out there, especially working moms, who have this split personality thing....while I am at work, I am just "Jamie", when I am home, I am Mom, and Jamie only gets to come out after the kids are in bed. Jamie wants to come out and play, but Mom has taken over!

And now its Monday, and guess what? I miss my kids!

Decision, decisions...

2005-06-10T16:58:00.000-04:00

Why is it sooo hard to figure out what to have for lunch? Every day, after I go to the gym, its only a matter of minutes before I start getting what I call "the shakes", meaning, I am literally shaking, and if I don't get food within the next 5 minutes, LOOK OUT, because ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY WILL BE MOWED DOWN! So, tell me, for a person who is that hungry, how is it that I go to the cafeteria, check out every single thing they have, stare at it, debate, stare at it some more, then end up going to the deli counter and ordering my usual turkey on whole wheat?

Could it be that I have so much food-related guilt, that while I stare longingly at the pasta dishes, or the fried special, or what about those freshly baked cookies, that I am unable to even make a decision, so I just go with what I know, and food has just become a mere staple, not something to savor and enjoy?

It is amazing that we walk around all day counting carbs, fat grams, calories, net carbs, serving size...its a wonder we all don't walk around with slide rules and calculators!

My first post!

2005-06-10T13:30:00.000-04:00

I did it, I finally am ready to blog all the crap that goes on in my crazy hectic life. After months of reading other people's blogs, and nodding my head, laughing or crying at posts that mirrored my own thought so closely, I am taking the plunge into this cyber journal world. I admit it, its scary to share with the rest of the world, who knows if you will all think I am a freak, or even worse, just too boring! But here we go...

OK, so why "moshpit"? No, I am not some hard core punk rocker... Mosh is a nickname, one my sister and I made up when we were kids. Hers is Mush, and our cat, Licorice, was MishMosh. "Moosh" was a word we used to use instead of cursing around our parents. And because "moosh" was such a DIRTY (!) word, we had to say "mish" immediately after, to erase the effects of saying "moosh"! Funny, people in the rest of this country think that growing up in NYC (Brooklyn to be exact) can make one tough and insensitive. Meanwhile, these 2 Brooklyn girls were afraid to curse, and god forbid one of us said MOOSH, the other was there saying "MISH" to make sure all was right with the world. Guess our parents raised us right!

So, now you know I am from Brooklyn. Something that definitely has defined who I am, and how I perceive life in general. I spent 18 years there, before I went away to college in upstate NY. WOW! Was that a shocker for this "tough" city girl. The first night in my dorm, I couldn't sleep...where was the noise? No trains, no sirens, no screaming...just quiet, and some crickets, whose melodic chirping KEPT ME UP AT NIGHT!

I no longer live in Brooklyn. I met my husband in that upstate college, and he was from, what we in "the city" called the 'burbs....Long Island. So, eventually he took the girl out of Brooklyn [but much to his dismay, has never taken the "Brooklyn" out of the girl ;-) ]. Now I live on Long Island, in our suburban house, with our suburban ways, and our 2 children, and life is just perfect! Ok, not perfect, but I am happy to be in the 'burbs and seeing my girls have things I never had.

As I start this venture into blogging, I don't have any concrete thoughts as to what this will all be, I only know that I am ready to share, and not that my life is all that exciting and different, but I know there are plenty of you out there that will relate, and this will be for us!

Til my next post,
Mosh