Girls rule (boys drool)

Why is it that moms can always manage to push responsibilties aside for their their families? As I mentioned in my last post, Chris has been working long hours the past 2 weeks. (Ok, he always has long hours, but we've hit extremes lately). He is able to do that, because I am home with the kids while he stays at work. He is busy, but so am I. But no matter how busy I am, I still manage to leave work by 6:00, and get home for the kids. I am drowning at work, I have been handed several additional responsibilities, while still maintaining my old ones. I go crazy all day trying to get everything done so I can get home on time. And if for some reason I NEED to stay, I will have to ask my sitter to stay late, and cough up extra $$ for her time. She deserves this $$, but it is painful for 2 reasons: #1 to ask her to stay late, and then #2, pay more $$ to her for substituting for me, the evil heartless mother who must stay at work while she gets to stay with my beautiful children and enjoy their giggles and hugs. So my guilt is now two-fold...first, the guilt over not seeing my kids; second...guilt over being a working mom, and using the money I earn to pay a sitter. Is it worth it? Especially when I end up paying her extra because I have to stay at work...I do not get paid for extra time...no OT for me.

I used to think my sanity was worth all this craziness. I don't know if I could handle being home every day. But I don't really know this because I HAVE NEVER STAYED HOME. Other than my maternity leaves, I have worked throughout my entire adult life, and I don't know how to stop. Should I stop? Or am I missing some valuable lesson here. Maybe my life would be more relaxed and enjoyable if I was home with the kids, keeping control of their schedules and activies. Tidying my house throughout the day instead of making mad dashes from room to room when I get home from work, returning toys and miscellaneous items to their rightful place. Cooking them real family dinners instead of my sitter serving them the convenient food they insist on...chicken nuggies, cheesy noodly (good ol' Kraft dinner to you BNL fans), fishsticks, etc. Why do I keep telling myself I need to work? Maybe its because that is all I know? Maybe its because I like to have the extra income that allows us the perks we enjoy? But is that extra income going out the window because we have a sitter? I know I am not alone, I know there a thousands of other moms having the same identity struggle I am. My best friend is going through a similar time as well. We tell ourselves that we need to work, but are we being truthful? Or are we hiding from the unknown? We tell ourselves that our children are learning a valuable lesson from their super woman mothers...but what is that lesson? I'm beginning to think my girls will only learn that working moms are tired all the time. Or that they are too busy getting ready for work to stop and eat breakfast with them in the morning. Or that working mommys stay thin because they are NEVER home to have dinner with them. Or even worse, working mommys forget to read the notices their kids' bring home from school. Or can't be a clas mother...or can't attend a PTA meeting. It would be a little easier on me if my husband didn't get home so late from work, then I could attend the PTA meetings. I would be able to attend to one daughter without sacrificing the other...because Chris could be with one. But right now, its just me...me checking homework, me doing bathtime, me making lunches, me doing bedtime, me trying to play with both of them individually and together.

Someone please send me a crystal ball! There has to be one made for mommys who don't know their ass from their elbows anymore! Or is left from right? Anyone? Bueller?