Girls rule (boys drool)

Why is it that moms can always manage to push responsibilties aside for their their families? As I mentioned in my last post, Chris has been working long hours the past 2 weeks. (Ok, he always has long hours, but we've hit extremes lately). He is able to do that, because I am home with the kids while he stays at work. He is busy, but so am I. But no matter how busy I am, I still manage to leave work by 6:00, and get home for the kids. I am drowning at work, I have been handed several additional responsibilities, while still maintaining my old ones. I go crazy all day trying to get everything done so I can get home on time. And if for some reason I NEED to stay, I will have to ask my sitter to stay late, and cough up extra $$ for her time. She deserves this $$, but it is painful for 2 reasons: #1 to ask her to stay late, and then #2, pay more $$ to her for substituting for me, the evil heartless mother who must stay at work while she gets to stay with my beautiful children and enjoy their giggles and hugs. So my guilt is now two-fold...first, the guilt over not seeing my kids; second...guilt over being a working mom, and using the money I earn to pay a sitter. Is it worth it? Especially when I end up paying her extra because I have to stay at work...I do not get paid for extra time...no OT for me.

I used to think my sanity was worth all this craziness. I don't know if I could handle being home every day. But I don't really know this because I HAVE NEVER STAYED HOME. Other than my maternity leaves, I have worked throughout my entire adult life, and I don't know how to stop. Should I stop? Or am I missing some valuable lesson here. Maybe my life would be more relaxed and enjoyable if I was home with the kids, keeping control of their schedules and activies. Tidying my house throughout the day instead of making mad dashes from room to room when I get home from work, returning toys and miscellaneous items to their rightful place. Cooking them real family dinners instead of my sitter serving them the convenient food they insist on...chicken nuggies, cheesy noodly (good ol' Kraft dinner to you BNL fans), fishsticks, etc. Why do I keep telling myself I need to work? Maybe its because that is all I know? Maybe its because I like to have the extra income that allows us the perks we enjoy? But is that extra income going out the window because we have a sitter? I know I am not alone, I know there a thousands of other moms having the same identity struggle I am. My best friend is going through a similar time as well. We tell ourselves that we need to work, but are we being truthful? Or are we hiding from the unknown? We tell ourselves that our children are learning a valuable lesson from their super woman mothers...but what is that lesson? I'm beginning to think my girls will only learn that working moms are tired all the time. Or that they are too busy getting ready for work to stop and eat breakfast with them in the morning. Or that working mommys stay thin because they are NEVER home to have dinner with them. Or even worse, working mommys forget to read the notices their kids' bring home from school. Or can't be a clas mother...or can't attend a PTA meeting. It would be a little easier on me if my husband didn't get home so late from work, then I could attend the PTA meetings. I would be able to attend to one daughter without sacrificing the other...because Chris could be with one. But right now, its just me...me checking homework, me doing bathtime, me making lunches, me doing bedtime, me trying to play with both of them individually and together.

Someone please send me a crystal ball! There has to be one made for mommys who don't know their ass from their elbows anymore! Or is left from right? Anyone? Bueller?

Babble mistress

I'm ashamed of how long it has been since I've blogged. I know if I was waiting THIS long for an update on a blog I read, I'd be pretty PO'd.

There has been a lot going on...

I ran that 10K, and let me tell you...the sense of accomplishment I felt when I crossed that finish line, seeing my time up there...less than what I estimated...there is no drug out there that could produce such a high. I felt like I could have run another 10K (hahahahaha). I wanted to hug all the sweaty people who crossed that line with me. You can check out the pictures of me if you like, although I must warn you, I am one hot, sweaty bastard!

And here is the best part: I was not sore the next day! I was able to walk, and even take the kids to NYC to meet my mom, and hit Serendipity3 for lunch (yum) and Bloomingdales for some shopping. And then, drove my mom back to Brooklyn, and feeling so good and happy, suggested driving through the old neighborhood where I grew up, to show my kids where mommy was a kid. Unfortunately, the annual Flatbush Frolic had just ended and the streets were blocked, but a nice cop let me sneak in, and I got to show Sammy my house. (Melly was asleep by this time, and she slept from this point all the way to th enext morning!) We even got a chance to visit my sister, which made Sammy soooooo happy. It was a good day. And that is a good thing for my husband, because he had to go to work that day..all day.

Which brings me to the next reason I have not been blogging. Both Chris and I have has been under water at work. I have been so busy that I can't even feel that 9 hours have passed, and then I look up at the clock on my PC, and go "HOLY S, I have to get out of here." I have been breaking my ass to get home to see the kids, because these kids should see at least one parent per day! Chris has not been home. He leaves before any of us are up, which is th enorm, and usually is home by 8. But lately, its been more like 10, and if there is an end in sight, it is not within his grasp yet to let us know he will be seeing us one of these days. He has to work this weekend too. Don't get me wrong, he is as bummed about this as us, he is miserable, tired, cranky, and could really use a good laughing fit with our girls. He is such a great Dad, and that is why this is so hard. He is an involved Dad, a responsible Dad, and an active part of their days. I know it is killing him to not get their hugs and kissed, and it is for this reasn that I want this to end for him. Sometimes I think he should just toss it in and stay home with the kids. The money would be an issue, but damn, would he be happy! And so would the kids! And so would I! Time to play Mega Millions.

Ahhhh, got lost in a dream there. How nice would it be to win that kind of money? Not have to worry, be able to help all those people down South, my mom could quit working, my dad could finally have all the resources he needs to be recognized for his talents (I will go into that another time)...and my husband could do what he loves most. Be with our children, and volunteer to help all of world's people. Me, well, I may still work because that is what I do. But my job allows me a normal life, and I actually enjoy what I do. Guess I'll have to go and buy some lottery tickets tonight...gotta be in it to win it....a dollar and a dream...

Have a great weekend everyone, don't know about you, but I am GLAD THIS WEEK IS OVER!

Is you is or is you ain't my baby?

1st day of school already! Sammy started 2nd grade today. Do you remember 2nd grade? I sort of do...Ms. Brozinsky was my teacher, and I was in a different class than most of my 1st grade friends, so I had to make all new ones. They all had Mrs. Geller, and she was pretty w/long straight, brown hair...sort of like the skinny woman from The Magic Garden (yes, my favorite show at the time!). They actually came to my school once, it was awesome ;-)

I can't believe my baby is in 2nd grade. And even more shocking, Melanie, who is the baby, is starting preschool next week! Do you know what that means? She ain't no baby no more!