How do you say goodbye when you don't want to?

I have been trying for the last 2 days to write something to post here. As you can see, I have been unsuccessful.

I am so sad, and so lost. My best friend's mom passed away on Monday (12/26). The same woman who survived pneumonia this past summer. The same woman, who against all odds, went home in October and began to reclaim her life. The same woman who defined strength and determination. The same woman who always knew when I was lying to cover up for my friend. I will miss her terribly.

How do you get past losing your mom? My own mom is so young, that it seems impossible that I will go through this one day. I know it is a fact of life, but I have lived my life in relative denial, until now. Brigitte's mom was young too, only 69. She had a whole other part of her life to look forward to, with her husband, watching her own kids with their families, spoiling her grandchildren...

One thing I am grateful for is that Brigitte's children had such wonderful and close relationships with their grandmother. That is something to be treasured.

Hola Internet!

Oh, I spoke too soon...I was not ready for Xmas! I could kick myself...last week, when I was finishing up in Toys R Us, I passed by Dora's Talking Kitchen. I told myself I was not getting it, we have a kitchen...ok, well..big mistake! That day, the kicthen was $89.99...today on Ebay, I paid $127.50 + shipping. Next time, my advice...buy it when you see it, you can always return it later.

And now for a bit of a rant....these Ebay people are worse than ticket scalpers! They buy up the season's most popular toy, turn around, sell it to the poor guilt ridden parents who don't want their kids to lose faith in Santa, for 2-3x the price! It is awful, and I know that I just exacerbated the problem, but I had to get that off my chest.

Next year I will try to do this differently...I will take that Toys R Us Big Book when it comes, and I will go to Toys R Us BEFORE Thanksgiving...and buy what I need! yea, ok...if you believe that, that and a Metro Card will get you on the subway...oh wait, no it won't...TRANSIT STRIKE! I wonder how those people are getting their Dora Kitchens?

6 more days?????

How could it be? Christmas is breathing down my neck. It is unreal...when we were kids, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed like an eternity. Now, as an adult and mother of 2, I can't seem to even recognize that Christmas comes after Thanksgiving until the calendar is in the 2nd week of December. My first attempt at Christmas shopping was last week! But somehow, I am done! Ok, almost done...Chris told me he wants a comfy chair for his dungeon (the basement, where he works on the computer at night while the rest of us are in dreamland). I don't know how exactly I am supposed to determine comfy-ness since I am about 8" shorter than him, but for him...I will try ;-)

My sweet girls

This was the reject for this year's Xmas cards. My little angels!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Hello out there! So, 3 snow storms in 1 week...I love it! Most people I work with are miserable when it snows...not me, I grin from ear to ear! See, I love to ski, and my mountains need some snow! We are planning some trips, both here in the Northeast and of course where the real skiing is...out west, and the more snow the better! Of course, my 7 year old is luckier than me...she got her first snow day for the school year and here I am, sitting at work! Figures, eh?

On my way home last night, the traffic lady on the radio station I was listning to was saying how the kids in her neighborhood all wear their pj's inside out and backwards when they want LOADS of snow. I had never in my 37 1/2 years heard of that! Then, my sitter told me that Sammy's teacher told me that their teacher told them to do the pajama thing, and throw ice cubes out the window. Amazing...because Sammy did all but the ice cubes, and with barely an inch of snow on the ground, schools across Long Island were closed! I was NEVER that lucky growing up in Brooklyn...we had them occasionally, but only when we had like a foot of the white stuff.

So come on Old Man Winter! Bring some more snow... Tahoe could use some more...that forecast is looking a little dry!

Did u know Bubble Yum is filled with spider eggs?

I have a confession to make...I am a closet fan of 1970's bubble gum music! I am sitting here right now, listening to Free Internet Radio, and while the station I am playing is called "#1 Hits", I keep skipping past all the songs and only stopping at 70's pop, like Kung Fu Fighting...Lonely Boy...The Night Chicago Died...and so on and so on. (hey, remember that commercial for Fabrege Organics shampoo, also from the 70's: "I tell 2 friends, and you tell 2 friends, and so on and so on.." and the woman with the beautiful hair begins to fill up several squares on the screen, sort of like a hybrid of The Brady Brunch and Hollywood Squares?) Ok, I digress...

But even as a kid, my parents, who raised us on Dylan, Beatles, Stones, Springsteen, Clapton and a whole assortment of folk singers...Guthrie (father and son), Phil Ochs, Peter Paul & Mary, Joan Baex, Jonie Mitchell....could not bear to listen to me as I bopped around the house with my HOLLY HOBBY (! and matching NIGHTGOWN) radio, listening to Styx and REO Speedwagon! And here I sit, 30 years later..listening to Knock 3 Times!!! Here we go, some Donovan...that would make Dad proud!

Vegas, curls, bowling and steak

Is it really the end of October? Well, Happy All Hallow's Eve to all of you!

This month has FLOWN by...I had 2 major events this month that took up most of my focus, first I went to Las Vegas for an industry confernce 2 weeks ago, then we had Sammy's 7th Birthday party the Saturday after I came hoe, (a veritable bowling bash), and here it is, Halloween! How did this happen? I guess all those rainy days were the passing of October???

Oh yes, and I also had my haircut. One of these days I will post a picture of me so you can all understand why a haircut is a monumental event for me...I have naturally curly hair, and for years I hated every single strand of it. But a few years ago, my SIL told me about Ouidad, and for the first time in my life, I had a haircut that didn't send me running to a sink to wet my hair so I could start over! Not only are they skilled at cutting hair like mine, the Ouidad products are amazing. This is all a very expensive undertaking, but hey man, its my hair! ;-) If there are any people reading this blog, who are "blessed" w/curls, you NEED to click the link above...it is soooo worth it! It is so good, that my best friend now sends her curly-coiffed husband with me! So he and I had "a date" while our spouses stayed home with the kids.

So, my "date" and I went to the city (NYC to the rest of the world) for our Ouidad appointments, then had a yummy yummy dinner at an overpriced steakhouse...but so worth it.

So...Vegas! I think I have mentioned before that I love Vegas. So, when I saw that IPComm2005 was at Belaggio, I made a beeline to my boss' office requesting approval to attend. Of course, they all made fun of me, (my affection for Vegas is no secret at work either!)...but my business case was strong, so I got the approval. One catch, Chris was unable to join me (ran out of vac days and he is just too damned busy at work), so I had to go alone. I have done this before, and its not that much fun. But this time, I tried to make the best of it...hey, Vegas...no kids...! So, every evening, after the seminar, I made special efforts to take care of me. Room Service, excellent vino, a massage, and of course used their luxorious gym and sauna! It was extremely relaxing, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Unfortunately, my relaxed spirit was all I took home with me, my money was left there...split between Monte Carlo and Bellagio!

That's all I have time for now, heading home soon for Trick or Treating with my 2 Witch Sisters!! Damn they are adorable! This is the first year the little one will really appreciate what it means to ring a doorbell and get some candy just for being cute as a button in her costume! I can't wait! (and not just b/c I want to setal some of their treats...although she had better hide all the Reese's from me!)

Happy Haunting!
Jamie

Girls rule (boys drool)

Why is it that moms can always manage to push responsibilties aside for their their families? As I mentioned in my last post, Chris has been working long hours the past 2 weeks. (Ok, he always has long hours, but we've hit extremes lately). He is able to do that, because I am home with the kids while he stays at work. He is busy, but so am I. But no matter how busy I am, I still manage to leave work by 6:00, and get home for the kids. I am drowning at work, I have been handed several additional responsibilities, while still maintaining my old ones. I go crazy all day trying to get everything done so I can get home on time. And if for some reason I NEED to stay, I will have to ask my sitter to stay late, and cough up extra $$ for her time. She deserves this $$, but it is painful for 2 reasons: #1 to ask her to stay late, and then #2, pay more $$ to her for substituting for me, the evil heartless mother who must stay at work while she gets to stay with my beautiful children and enjoy their giggles and hugs. So my guilt is now two-fold...first, the guilt over not seeing my kids; second...guilt over being a working mom, and using the money I earn to pay a sitter. Is it worth it? Especially when I end up paying her extra because I have to stay at work...I do not get paid for extra time...no OT for me.

I used to think my sanity was worth all this craziness. I don't know if I could handle being home every day. But I don't really know this because I HAVE NEVER STAYED HOME. Other than my maternity leaves, I have worked throughout my entire adult life, and I don't know how to stop. Should I stop? Or am I missing some valuable lesson here. Maybe my life would be more relaxed and enjoyable if I was home with the kids, keeping control of their schedules and activies. Tidying my house throughout the day instead of making mad dashes from room to room when I get home from work, returning toys and miscellaneous items to their rightful place. Cooking them real family dinners instead of my sitter serving them the convenient food they insist on...chicken nuggies, cheesy noodly (good ol' Kraft dinner to you BNL fans), fishsticks, etc. Why do I keep telling myself I need to work? Maybe its because that is all I know? Maybe its because I like to have the extra income that allows us the perks we enjoy? But is that extra income going out the window because we have a sitter? I know I am not alone, I know there a thousands of other moms having the same identity struggle I am. My best friend is going through a similar time as well. We tell ourselves that we need to work, but are we being truthful? Or are we hiding from the unknown? We tell ourselves that our children are learning a valuable lesson from their super woman mothers...but what is that lesson? I'm beginning to think my girls will only learn that working moms are tired all the time. Or that they are too busy getting ready for work to stop and eat breakfast with them in the morning. Or that working mommys stay thin because they are NEVER home to have dinner with them. Or even worse, working mommys forget to read the notices their kids' bring home from school. Or can't be a clas mother...or can't attend a PTA meeting. It would be a little easier on me if my husband didn't get home so late from work, then I could attend the PTA meetings. I would be able to attend to one daughter without sacrificing the other...because Chris could be with one. But right now, its just me...me checking homework, me doing bathtime, me making lunches, me doing bedtime, me trying to play with both of them individually and together.

Someone please send me a crystal ball! There has to be one made for mommys who don't know their ass from their elbows anymore! Or is left from right? Anyone? Bueller?

Babble mistress

I'm ashamed of how long it has been since I've blogged. I know if I was waiting THIS long for an update on a blog I read, I'd be pretty PO'd.

There has been a lot going on...

I ran that 10K, and let me tell you...the sense of accomplishment I felt when I crossed that finish line, seeing my time up there...less than what I estimated...there is no drug out there that could produce such a high. I felt like I could have run another 10K (hahahahaha). I wanted to hug all the sweaty people who crossed that line with me. You can check out the pictures of me if you like, although I must warn you, I am one hot, sweaty bastard!

And here is the best part: I was not sore the next day! I was able to walk, and even take the kids to NYC to meet my mom, and hit Serendipity3 for lunch (yum) and Bloomingdales for some shopping. And then, drove my mom back to Brooklyn, and feeling so good and happy, suggested driving through the old neighborhood where I grew up, to show my kids where mommy was a kid. Unfortunately, the annual Flatbush Frolic had just ended and the streets were blocked, but a nice cop let me sneak in, and I got to show Sammy my house. (Melly was asleep by this time, and she slept from this point all the way to th enext morning!) We even got a chance to visit my sister, which made Sammy soooooo happy. It was a good day. And that is a good thing for my husband, because he had to go to work that day..all day.

Which brings me to the next reason I have not been blogging. Both Chris and I have has been under water at work. I have been so busy that I can't even feel that 9 hours have passed, and then I look up at the clock on my PC, and go "HOLY S, I have to get out of here." I have been breaking my ass to get home to see the kids, because these kids should see at least one parent per day! Chris has not been home. He leaves before any of us are up, which is th enorm, and usually is home by 8. But lately, its been more like 10, and if there is an end in sight, it is not within his grasp yet to let us know he will be seeing us one of these days. He has to work this weekend too. Don't get me wrong, he is as bummed about this as us, he is miserable, tired, cranky, and could really use a good laughing fit with our girls. He is such a great Dad, and that is why this is so hard. He is an involved Dad, a responsible Dad, and an active part of their days. I know it is killing him to not get their hugs and kissed, and it is for this reasn that I want this to end for him. Sometimes I think he should just toss it in and stay home with the kids. The money would be an issue, but damn, would he be happy! And so would the kids! And so would I! Time to play Mega Millions.

Ahhhh, got lost in a dream there. How nice would it be to win that kind of money? Not have to worry, be able to help all those people down South, my mom could quit working, my dad could finally have all the resources he needs to be recognized for his talents (I will go into that another time)...and my husband could do what he loves most. Be with our children, and volunteer to help all of world's people. Me, well, I may still work because that is what I do. But my job allows me a normal life, and I actually enjoy what I do. Guess I'll have to go and buy some lottery tickets tonight...gotta be in it to win it....a dollar and a dream...

Have a great weekend everyone, don't know about you, but I am GLAD THIS WEEK IS OVER!

Is you is or is you ain't my baby?

1st day of school already! Sammy started 2nd grade today. Do you remember 2nd grade? I sort of do...Ms. Brozinsky was my teacher, and I was in a different class than most of my 1st grade friends, so I had to make all new ones. They all had Mrs. Geller, and she was pretty w/long straight, brown hair...sort of like the skinny woman from The Magic Garden (yes, my favorite show at the time!). They actually came to my school once, it was awesome ;-)

I can't believe my baby is in 2nd grade. And even more shocking, Melanie, who is the baby, is starting preschool next week! Do you know what that means? She ain't no baby no more!

off to the races

Ok, so I've had 2 appointments with the chiropracter who specialized in ART . It is amazing! When I left there Friday evening, my heel/calf area was all back to normal, like I never had any pain. Turns out this whole thing started higher up in my leg, and worked its way down. Last night, he worked on my hip flexor, and I ran 4 miles this morning with very few twinges in that area, not bad at all. Tomorrow night should be my last appointment until after the Cow Harbor Run (the 10K race I am aiming for middle of next month). I am pretty excited about all of this, Chris and the girls will come, and they will do the 2K Run/Walk while I attempt to complete the 6.2 mile course over Northport's sprawling hills! YIKES.

OUCH! And what is your Achilles heel?

Oh boy, I am in trouble. I mentioned a few posts ago that I had entered a race with some coworkers, and that I might add running to my workout regimine. So, I did, and I am loving it. I have added a mile to my comfortable distance, so now I'm up to about 3.5 miles, and reduced my time from 11min 40sec to 10 min. OK, not bad, right? I even set a goal for myself for next years Corporate Challenge, 35 minutes. (that would be 6 minutes better this year's time). Well...I have done what I was hoping would not happen...hurt myself! UGH. I think I have achilles tendonitis. I have not been able to run for 3 days, and sometimes even walking is too painful. Today is a better day though, I feel much more comfortable, and I have an appointment tonight for what could be my saving grace! ART! Active Response Technique...a treatment that a triathlete at work told me about, sounds like it could be the ticket! I am hoping and praying...there is a run in a few weeks I want to do, 10K (yikes). I was planning on walking/running it, b/c its double my comfortable distance, and quite hilly. I am off to the miracle doctor, here's hoping...hey, if this works for real athletes, it HAS GOT to work for little ol me?

How long is 3 minutes? depends...are u getting coffee or burying a loved one?

Oh boy...my addiction to coffee is BAAAAAAD! Yesterday, we went to the funeral. After the mass, we were to follow the funeral procession to the cemetary for the burial. The funeral was in Rockville Centre, which is not known for its lax parking rules, so before we left, since Chris and I were going in his father's car, I had to move mine out of its stale 2-hour spot into another 2 hour spot. In the process of doing this, I spotted Dunkin' Donuts. My aching head, empty stomach, and severe thirst hit me all at once..."MUST HAVE AN ICED COFFEE". So, after I moved the car, I asked my FIL if I could grab a coffee before we left. He said "sure, but hurry, and get me one". OK, did that, with Chris yelling at me the whole time, saying we'd make his dad miss the procession. But I wouldn't hear of it, and went ahead w/my plan.

We took all of 3 minutes in Dunkin' Donuts, but yep...my FIL missed the processsion, and we headed out to Queens with only 3 sentences of directions from the funeral home...ending in LIE West to Maurice Avenue...that is it, no more details. Any of you from this area know that Queens has a TON of cemetaries, as a matter of fact, as a kid growing up in Brooklyn and really never having been to Queens, other than as a pass-through on our way to LI to visit relatives, all I ever saw was this HUMONGO cemetary, so I assumed Queens was where you buried dead people! So, we got off the exit, and that was it. Couldn't find an entrance to the cemetary, my FIL knowing this particular area, thought we should get back on the LIE, which we did...going as far west as we could without going to NYC, then back east, then back west, until we finally got back to Maurice Avenue, still unable to find an entrance. At that point, Chris who had been trying to call his mother's cell this whole time to let her know we were lost...finally was able to reach her, and was informed that we'd missed the burial. UGH! All my fault, and I felt TERRIBLE! Chris was visibly upset, and I didn't know what to do. I looked at him meekly and told him I was sorry, and I know that wasn't enough, I don't know what is enough. His mom and sister were not mad, apparently the burial didn't take any longer than getting coffee in Dunkin Donuts. I am sorry Agnes, it is all my fault that Chris, John and Charles were not there. :-(

I am public, what are you?

I've been remiss...I just saw that my last post was almost 3 weeks ago. Been a crazy couple of weeks.

My inlaws left last Saturday, only to have to return this Saturday. One of my mother-in-law's relatives, Agnes, a wonderful and vibrant lady who I have known for almost 20 years, passed away on Thursday. She was 87, and from what I understand, knew she was going to die for way longer than any of us did, she was told she had cancer (pancreatic I think), and kept this to herself, not wanting to hurt her quality of life, nor burden those who cared for her. Tomorrow is the funeral, a Catholic mass and burial.

I struggle with these religious moments, I was not raised with a religion, my mother is a non-practicing Jew, and my father is a non-practicing Catholic. They gave me a choice when I was growing up, and I chose to be "nothing". So, I will be the lonely "jew" (since my mom is Jewish, I am automatically Jewish), feeling like everyone else in the Church is staring at my proverbial horns, as they go up to the dais, and receive Communion. For this reason, I truly feel like I have to do more for my children than merely tell them to make a choice, b/c the truth is, no kid in their right mind will opt to go to religious instruction, church or temple vs. um...doing nothing! We have been discussing our local Unitarian church, now we just need to move beyond "discussion" ;-)

This all reminds me of one the smartest things my sister said: Our next door neighbors (3 boys) were Catholic, and went to Holy Innocents Catholic School, my sister and I went to P.S. 139 (public school). One day, Billy, the oldest boy, said to Jodi "I go to Cathloic School because I am Catholic, what are you?" And Jodi, in her 6 year old wisdom, said "I'm Public, I go to Public School." :-) Perfection!

Hazy, hot, humid and HORRIBLE

ITS SO HOT OUTSIDE!!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. THEY SAY TODAY THE HEAT INDEX IS 105 - 110 DEGREES! Sorry for ALL CAPS, but I am sooo done with the summer.

Gee, I just can't wait to go out to my car, and get in the oven I call my front seat. Of course I have A/C, but as you know, in this weather, it takes a loooooooooooong time for the A/C to blow out cool air. My favorite thing is to press the "AMB" temperature button to see what my car thinks the temp is outside...my guess when I leave today? 120?

I am so looking forward to the fall...jeans and boot weather is what my sister and I call it. Best time of year, and sooo shortlived! Low humididty (major plus when you have naturally curly hair!!!), mild temps...ah...soon!

Anonymous? Uh...Not anymore

Finally, I am searchable! Not sure why this matters to me so much, but since I started this blog, I have been trying to Google this page, with no luck. I still can't seem to find it on Google.com, but I can on Yahoo

Nobody in my personal life knows about this blog. Is that because I am shy? embarrassed? or maybe just private? I don't really know, but for now this is between me and all of you who don't know me.

The houseguests are coming!

So my MIL is coming in tonight from California. She will be staying with us, and my FIL is coming on Thursday. They have been living bi-coastal for the past few years, 1/2 year here, the other 1/2 in Dana Point, CA. But they sold their NY home in January, and while they plan on buying a smaller place here, they have not really been able to look much. So, now they are coming, and planning to do the real estate thing and find a house here.

Fortunately, we have a guest room for them, but I'm not sure how comfortable they will be...or how comfortable I will be for that matter. They spent a week with us in January, and an unexpected week in February (the week the evil stomach virus hit any person who dared enter our home!), and then my MIL came to help us out when our sitter was on vacation for a week in March, and let me tell you...the house gets all sorts of crowded when they are here. The TV goes to volumes I didn't know were possible, and the mess...oh the mess! I am a bit of a clean freak, and I feel like I lose control of my key clean area...the kitchen. I clean up every night after my sitter and the kids...maybe I have OCD? Is it normal to walk into the house and just start putting things away without even realizing you are doing it? Normal routine for me: walk into house, pick up shoes by door and put them in shoerack; put coffee thermos into kitchen sink, hang up cordless phone that desperately needs to be charged; put all loose pens in pen drawer; load the dishwasher; wash coffee pot and get it ready for the morning; make Sammy's lunch for camp; clean counters, sweep floor... getting the picture?

Anyhoo...this should all make for a fun week in hazy, hot and humid NY! Thank goodness for CAC! (central air conditioning for those of you not in the real estate acronym know ;-)

Jamie, Marathon Girl

Friday is here again! Woo hoo

This was a HARD week. Every project I have been working on here has hit a brick wall, (ok, not just me, for my whole group!). Everybody in my circle is sick or has a sick relative, its been bad. My sister Jodi (Mush...from my first post) was admitted to Beth Israel on Monday with pneumonia and possible TB(!!!!), my nanny has been dealing w/terrible asthma and heart palpitations, my husband's family's dearest "matron" relative was in the hospital for a blood clot in her leg, and now we are told she has cancer, and my best friend's mom is STILL in the hospital trying to get off the ventilator. Oh yea, and both my kids have this weird fever thing on..its been rough week.

On a more positive note, I ran a race. I am not a runner, I am an elliptical trainer person, no impact, nice fluid motion. Running always knocks the crap out of me, and I usually avoid it all costs. But this year, when the JP Chase Corporate Challenge emails started flying at work, I decided to sign up. For a few weeks before I started running a bit on the treadnill, but it was killing me, so I stopped. Then Tuesday night, race night...uh oh! But I did it, I ran all 3.5 miles in 95+ degree weather, in 41 minutes! My only goal in this thing was to finish, and try to at least do a 12 minute mile, and I did, I ran, and beat the 42 minutes that I was targeting. But oh man, have I been paying for this. I have to walk downstairs sideways, and I have a constant stitch in my side. Today is the first day when I don't hold on to my desk when I stand up from my chair!

I am going to continue running I think... I say this now, but we will see. I can see why people get hooked on it. Now if I can just get rid of all the charleyhorses before I get back on the treadmill, or try to run on pavement again!

Time to get the hell out of Dodge
Lata

Battle of the Wonkas

Samantha went to a birthday pary yesterday, at the movie theater. They were seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory , so I decided to tag along. We have basically raised Sammy on the Gene Wilder version, and Chris and I were ecstatic about the remake starring one of our favorite actors, Jonny Depp as Wonka.

Alas, we knew there was risk involved...whenever Tim Burton directs a movie, there is always risk. I was not impressed w/this newer version. It's not that I thought the Gene Wilder version was perfect either, it was not true to the story. Roald Dahl intended the book to be "dark", but Tim Burton went too far. And who told Johnny Depp to recreate Mr. Wonka in Wacko Jacko's image? I found myself cringing whenever he laughed, and began to worry that poor Charlie Bucket was in for more than a tour of the chocolate factory, and instead would end up hostage in Neverland!

The other thing missing was the "magic" of the factory itself. Not enough time was spent on the machines and the candy. That was the best part of the Gene Wilder version, the candy and the machines that made it.

And the Oompa Loompa's! I mean the Oompa Loompa! There was just one guy, and they used CGI to make it look like there were several oompa loompas. The songs were still a tale of lessons learned, but the Oompa Loompa was a bit creepy.

It was still an entertaining movie, but I am glad I got to see it for free instead of shelling out the $9.50!

Oompa Loompo Doompadee Do! (click for lyrics to all Oompa Loompa songs from the original version)

Bonus Schmonus

When I joined this lovely company that I work for(a very large Cable company), my compensation consisted of a salary and an incentive plan. Unfortunately, 2 yeras after I joined the company,Wall Street decided it was tired of giving telecom and cable companies capital....so...the incentive plans and raises were "temporarily suspended"..and I lost about 20% of my compensation.
(I should add here, that I am also an ex-MCI employee, who lost her shirt in the Worldcom debacle...by shirt I mean 7 years of 401K, my pension, and stock, totalling close to $200K! It was a bad financial year...and also the year my husband got laid off, and little Melanie was born. Bernie gets 25 years, and I have to work for at least another 25 years to get back what I lost!

BIG NEWS from Wall Street this week and yippee yay!! Long time coming, but YES! I am getting my dough.

Now for the pathetic part...do I get to buy a new car? NO! Do I get to buy some fancy clothes? NO. Why you ask? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! I have waited 3 years for this money, and I want to do something "fun" with it. As someone here said "put it in the Jamie slush fund" C'mon you WOHM's, you know how it is...whats their's is ours, and what's mine is mine! ;-)

Romero has done it again

We got to see Land of the Dead last night. It did not disappoint! Gory, scary, and freakily close to reality....it was awesome.

We were 2 in a crowd of maybe 10...but hey, it was a Tuesday night.

I love that this genre has migrated towards Zombies showing survival instincts. In the past, zombies have been dumber than dirt, coming across "food" by sheer dumb luck. 28 Days Later did have the speedy and super human strength zombies, but still...no instincts. Romero's latest zombies begin to remember things they did before they were dead, (like the gas station attendant who continues to try and pump gas,or the Zombie RagTime Band who is still in their park gazebo, making random sounds on waht is left of their instruments). It's brilliant, and I highly recommend this movie to all you zombie lovers out there

The hospital conundrum

If I ever get sick, please let me be sick at home!

So, my friends' mom is still in ICU, and now, thanks to her confinement in such a place, and having been intubated for so long, she has now contracted an ICU-related bacteria, that can prove life threatening should she become infected. Right now, she is classified as colonized, but has not been classified as infected. Basically, she is a freakin host for somthing that may end up killing her, and to top it off...she gets this because of the treatments she has been given to keep her alive while she battles pneumonia. How fucking unfair is this? I read some of the literature, and it is scary. It is antibiotic resistant, and even drugs that it does react to....can become ineffective as this bacteria has shown itself to become resistant to the very drug used to treat it.

Cognitive Dissonance

I received an email today, one of those post 9/11 types. I have seen it before, and now it is out again because of the terrible bombings in London...here it is:

Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test. The events are actual cuts from past history. They actually happened!!!Do you remember?-
1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
a. Superman
b. Jay Lenno
c. Harry Potter
d. Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by
a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year oldAmerican passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying torescue passengers was murdered by:
a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kidd.
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill' s women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to takeout the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers.Thousands of people were killed by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 4011.

In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangarooc
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

Nope, I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you?So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intenton killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profilecertain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone because of profiling.Let's send this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds andother dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwartcommon sense, feel doubly ashamed of themselves - if they have any such sense.As the writer of the award winning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it,"Stupid is as stupid does."Come on people wake up!!!

I don't remember if I mentioned that I was raised by hippie parents, who taught me that peace love and happiness is all we need to live..."all you need is love"... Ok, I am not naive enough to believe that if all sit around and sing kumbayah that we will all be healthy, happy and properous. However, I have always believed that things like racial profiling are wrong and un-American. But when you look at the examples above, it makes you think....as Americans, are we so blinded by our principles that we endanger the lives of our citizens?

I am one of the lucky New Yorkers that didn't lose anyone personally on 9/11, and I was employed at Tower 2 in 1993 when the bomb exploded in the basement...luckily I was out "in the field" selling when it happened. But one of my closest and oldest friends was in the basement of Tower 2 when the 1993 bomb hit. She survived to relay her fears and nightmares, and moved on with her life. But on 9/11, working further north in NYC, she was shaken to her bones as she was forced to relive what she had been through only 8 years earlier.

Could 9/11 have been prevented if we used racial profiling before allowing things like pilots licenses, car rentals, airline ticket purchases??? Are we so American that we continue to be a victim to those who want us destroyed? Have I lost all of my flower child naivete? Its a very sad day when you begin to doubt what your parents value so much. This is what the people who target our country and the people of the countries who reached out to us in our time of need have taken from us. Our innocence is gone. I have never been a supporter of the war in Iraq, and I still do not agree with what we are doing. But what is the answer? how do we end all this? Anyone wanna grab hands and sing Kumbayah? I'm game if you are.

Are my eyes even open?

I am soooo tired today. The work day is just about done, but I was bone tired when I got in. Melanie has wet the bed 2x in the past 2 days, plus she has had several potty accidents in the past 24 hours. Not sure what is going on here, is she mad that I am back at work? Is she a normal 3 year old just having a setback? So when my sitter called me to tell me that Melanie was running a low fever, I of course jumped to the most logical explanation..."UTI!", but no, the pediatrician has assured us that she is fine.

I have not gotten a good nights sleep, as in more than a consecutive 2 hour block in several days now. My Origins "No Puffery" eye gel is becoming a daily essential! Samantha has taken to asking me why my blue eyes are black!

I went to the gym though, it wakes me up for a bit. Until about now...right before I have to get in my hot car and drive home. Where I will be met with 2 excited girls who can't wait to see their mommy...the mommy who will pretend she is awake and not about to keel over from exhaustion, but will somehow manage to bathe them, play with them, read stories, talk about our day... I treasure all of this, I really really do, but I am sooooo tired. Why can't I take a nap first? I promise I would be much better company if I could nap.

Firecracker Firecracker Boom Boom Boom

Happy Birthday America!
Is it wrong that we didn't see fireworks this year? Are my kids going to be scarred for life? Having grown up in Brooklyn, fireworks on the 4th (and of course the 5th...leftovers you know) are, in the words of the great Tevya, "Tradition". Living on Long Island, I have had to adjust what I consider how to celebrate the 4th. No block party, just random house parties, where some of them have fireworks, but no big "displays" or sharing with the rest of the neighborhood. While various houses in my neighborhood were beginning to light their assortment of firecrackers, roman candles, jumping jacks and pinwheels, my girls were tucked safely in their beds, sneaking a peak through their windows. Maybe next year we should drive down to redneck country and buy us some of them there explosives.

By the way, my husband tells me that he did have fireworks growing up on Long Island, but I am betting that he never saw his across the street neighbor light a belt of firecrackers from his 2nd floor terrace, that accidentally spilled over onto my next door neighbor's lawn under a tree, where a box FULL of various fireworks was waiting....can you say call 911??

We got back from Vegas a few days ago, we had a great time. Before we left, I was sort of ambivalent about going, my oldest daughter Samantha was upset that her pal Jackie couldn't come, and I knew I'd miss Brig and just the whole dynamic that we are so used to. But Brig was not able to come, her mom is still in the hospital, trying to fight this evil pneumonia. I think her prognosis has improved, but she had to have an operation over the weekend to help her healing along, and she is looking at least another 2 weeks in the hospital to recover from the surgery and get off the ventilator...the vent is the key. She has to be able to breathe on her own.

But our family of 4 survived the trip, and we really enjoyed ourselves. My sister in law drove out from southern California, and spent 36 hours or so with us, and it was really nice. All of our kids' cousins live in California and Hawaii, so we don't get to "visit" much. This was a treat.

Are you wondering why the word "visit" is in quotes? Did you ever get told by your mother, after spending an entire day (or even weekend!) w/her and the rest of the family, that is was nice to see you, but that we still didn't have a "nice visit"? Well, if it hasn't happened to you yet...BEWARE. You will not know how to react. You will only be able to roll your eyes as you walk away, or if you were lucky enough to hear this over the phone, hang up the receiver. Family!

Sometimes life gives you lemons, and you need vodka to spike the lemonade

Sunday we leave for Vegas...I think??? This is our annual family vacation to Sin City, which we do with my best friend and her family. But now I don't know, my friend's mom is still in ICU on a ventilator. One positive thing...her white cell count is high, so she is fighting. GO KATI GO! My husband and I don't know if we are supposed to go on our trip or stay home? My friend will not be able to make this decision until close to the time we leave, and even then, I don't know?

This vacation has been on my friend's radar for so long, keeping her going, getting her through all of her daily stress, she needs this, hell we all need this! My kids and her kids want to play in sin city together. I also know that my friend needs me, and if she stays here with her mom, its because she is worried that she may not see her mom again, which means there is a good chance I wil be flying to Vegas, only to turn around and come home for my friend. This SUCKS! We need some intervention here, I have never been a religious person, but right now I don't know what else could help. Her mom is too young to leave us, and she is such an important person in their lives. She takes care of her grandkids while her daughter is at work. The grandkids will be devastated. Her husband will be lost and alone. They had trips planned too, Vegas this week, and Cancun the following. Can I say it again? THIS SUCKS!

Anyone out there who is reading this...what would you do? Go on the trip or reschedule? And if you are reading this, please send good vibes to Kati, she needs them, we all do.

Always hope

My best friend's mom is in the hospital, and my friend seems to have lost all hope. It's just so sad, and I am not very good at this. I tend to think everything will be ok, that is just me, and how I manage. My friend on the other hand, who is struggling with her mom's mortality, is feeling very doomed, and I don't know how to help her.

Her mom, who is 70, has pneumonia. Her right lung is apparently filled with fluid, and her diaphragm was being taxed, so the Dr's thought it was best to put her on a ventilator. I think the sight of that has flipped my friend out, and her poor mother is strapped to a bed with the contraption, and she is being fed through a tube.

I want to make everything better, I don't want my friend and her family to suffer. Her mom is a tough woman, one of the toughest, she has to fight this, and not give up. My friend needs keep the hope so that her mom can feel it.

Being human is so unfair...knowing about our own mortality, and that of those we love is so brutal.

For my friend, who I love dearly, I will keep the hope for your mom, it is the only thing I can do for her right now, and she has all of my wishes and prayers. And if you need to cry, I am here for that too. I love you Brig, you and your mom are in my heart and soul.

Hallmark again!!!

So its Father's Day this weekend...one of those Hallmark holidays that guilt you into buying a present for someone who really doesn't want anything! My husband, whom I love dearly, and is an amazing father to our kids, hates all of these holidays, (as do I). Both our dads are out of state, my dad lives in Tesuque, NM and my father-in-law is in California. (my inlaws do the bicoastal thing). So, maybe we will get to have a nice relaxing Sunday at home with the kids...HA ;-) I bet the kids will get up and make us breakfast (usually a bowl of cereal) and serve it to us in bed, way before either one of us is able to sit up in bed, let alone actuallt EAT something...but that is the joy of parenting, and something we will treasure, even as we force ourselves to eat the soggy cereal, and drink the warm tap water they will no doubt deliver with the cereal. Hey, not bad for a 6 1/2 yr old and a 3 yr old! When do kids start sleeping past 7am??

Shhh, don't tell him, but hubby is getting Mr. Show's 3rd and 4th seasons, I guess I'll give him the 3rd, and the kids can give him the 4th!

And what else for the weekend... We will be visiting relatives in NJ on Saturday, but first, before we make that godawful drive from Long Island to the dreaded Belt Parkway, we have to stop at an AWNING store! let me back up...last year, after living in our little ranch house for 7 years, we decided it was time to either move or add on, so we went for the addition. We added a second floor, and pushed out the back of the house a tad. In doing this, we destroyed our ugly cememt patio and screened in back porch. So, this year, the patio was the project. So, a few weeks ago, we had a deck built, a very very nice deck, that I am in love with, provided it is either before 8am, or after 6pm. My house, unfortunately, faces East, which means we have sun...all day long, and no real relief unless its predawn, or dusk. So, now that we spent all this money on our beautiful deck...we melt like Frosty the Snowman after 5 minutes! Which means, its time for us to drag the kids to the Retractable Awning place, to see if this is the answer, and if it is the solution my husband swears it is, how much more $$ will be laying out? I am rooting for 2 very large hanging umbreallas instead, so cross your fingers that the awning idea fails.

I'll let you know how the awning pans out!

And I work why?????

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

When am I going to learn...escalating to management is USELESS! Every single time I do it, I regret it. She always has to go throuugh 30 minutes of background, ask annoying rhetorical questions, and make me feel as if I've done something wrong, when I know damn well that I haven't, and if she had been paying attention to the stuff I have been telling her she'd have a GD clue!

Next time I have to remind myself, just tackle the issue on my own....and if I fail, then I guess I will have to escalate, and repeat the steps above, and then hit myself on the head, and just say "who gives a F?"

Is it just me?

Monday already, huh? Damn, where did the weekend go? Remember the days when after a long week of work, you finally made it to Friday, and you were sitting at work, all anxious to get the hell out of there, and go out, maybe for a drink? or a movie? or something...well, that pretty much ended when I had kids. Its such a weird phenomenon...I find myself in a love/hate relationship with Fridays. I love that it is Friday, and at the end of the day, I get to go home and be with the kids ...but I hate that it is Friday because at the end of the day, I get to go home and be with the kids.

Am I evil? I know there must be other moms out there, especially working moms, who have this split personality thing....while I am at work, I am just "Jamie", when I am home, I am Mom, and Jamie only gets to come out after the kids are in bed. Jamie wants to come out and play, but Mom has taken over!

And now its Monday, and guess what? I miss my kids!

Decision, decisions...

Why is it sooo hard to figure out what to have for lunch? Every day, after I go to the gym, its only a matter of minutes before I start getting what I call "the shakes", meaning, I am literally shaking, and if I don't get food within the next 5 minutes, LOOK OUT, because ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY WILL BE MOWED DOWN! So, tell me, for a person who is that hungry, how is it that I go to the cafeteria, check out every single thing they have, stare at it, debate, stare at it some more, then end up going to the deli counter and ordering my usual turkey on whole wheat?

Could it be that I have so much food-related guilt, that while I stare longingly at the pasta dishes, or the fried special, or what about those freshly baked cookies, that I am unable to even make a decision, so I just go with what I know, and food has just become a mere staple, not something to savor and enjoy?

It is amazing that we walk around all day counting carbs, fat grams, calories, net carbs, serving size...its a wonder we all don't walk around with slide rules and calculators!

My first post!

I did it, I finally am ready to blog all the crap that goes on in my crazy hectic life. After months of reading other people's blogs, and nodding my head, laughing or crying at posts that mirrored my own thought so closely, I am taking the plunge into this cyber journal world. I admit it, its scary to share with the rest of the world, who knows if you will all think I am a freak, or even worse, just too boring! But here we go...

OK, so why "moshpit"? No, I am not some hard core punk rocker... Mosh is a nickname, one my sister and I made up when we were kids. Hers is Mush, and our cat, Licorice, was MishMosh. "Moosh" was a word we used to use instead of cursing around our parents. And because "moosh" was such a DIRTY (!) word, we had to say "mish" immediately after, to erase the effects of saying "moosh"! Funny, people in the rest of this country think that growing up in NYC (Brooklyn to be exact) can make one tough and insensitive. Meanwhile, these 2 Brooklyn girls were afraid to curse, and god forbid one of us said MOOSH, the other was there saying "MISH" to make sure all was right with the world. Guess our parents raised us right!

So, now you know I am from Brooklyn. Something that definitely has defined who I am, and how I perceive life in general. I spent 18 years there, before I went away to college in upstate NY. WOW! Was that a shocker for this "tough" city girl. The first night in my dorm, I couldn't sleep...where was the noise? No trains, no sirens, no screaming...just quiet, and some crickets, whose melodic chirping KEPT ME UP AT NIGHT!

I no longer live in Brooklyn. I met my husband in that upstate college, and he was from, what we in "the city" called the 'burbs....Long Island. So, eventually he took the girl out of Brooklyn [but much to his dismay, has never taken the "Brooklyn" out of the girl ;-) ]. Now I live on Long Island, in our suburban house, with our suburban ways, and our 2 children, and life is just perfect! Ok, not perfect, but I am happy to be in the 'burbs and seeing my girls have things I never had.

As I start this venture into blogging, I don't have any concrete thoughts as to what this will all be, I only know that I am ready to share, and not that my life is all that exciting and different, but I know there are plenty of you out there that will relate, and this will be for us!

Til my next post,
Mosh